A recent example of me being a consultant rather than a manager:
Eldest daughter says she wants her tongue pierced.
I ask her why. The only thing she could come up with is because all her friends are getting it done. I remind her that there should always be another good reason to do something besides the fact that everyone else is doing it.
I tell her I don't want her to, explaining that it can damage the teeth, problems (inflamation, infection, etc.) are common afterwards, serious problems are not rare ...
(What I wanted to say was: NO WAY! You are absolutely NOT under any circumstances getting your tongue pierced!!! And especially not it it's just because everyone else is doing it!)
She says she is going to get it done anyway.
I say I won't go with her. Or give my permission or condone it in any way. She tells me she'll go to someone who will do it regardless, and if it all goes wrong it will be my fault. (Haha! Aren't kids clever?) I tell her that will be fine, if she makes that choice she will have to live with the consequences, and it won't really make her tongue feel better to blame it all on me.
Thinking ...
She asks me if I'm going to stop her doing it. (As if I have any choice!)
I say no, but ask her to mull it over for a while before she rushes out and does something she might regret.
At the moment, it's forgotten. I think a friend's bad experience a few days later, with a badly swollen tongue (and removal of piercing in the end anyway) might have had something to do with it!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Parenting Skills (Part One): Are you a manager or a consultant?
'Parenting skills' is a much-used term, but what are the skills necessary to be a successful parent? And how do we learn them?
What does the term 'successful' really mean when applied to parenting, anyway? I have always thought that my job as a parent is to raise my daughters to be well-balanced, healthy individuals with the skills and choices necessary to thrive in adult life. But if they are not in the end well-balanced and healthy, if their choices are limited, if they don't thrive in adult life, will that mean I have been a failure as a parent?
Being a parent is scary ... it's the most important job in the world, but we do it with no training or support, and it's a job in which doing our best might not be good enough.
I really believe that parenting is only a small part of the process involved in a child developing into an adult. The character of a child is only partly shaped by parents, and the part parents play in this process lessens as a child grows. A child's personality is indeed influenced by parents, but is also affected by other people, by personal choices, by events beyond control, by unique experiences and primarily, by the innate character of the child - the way in which they perceive, and interact with, the world around them. Parents cannot make an extrovert out of an introvert, for example, although sadly, I think some try very hard.
So far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job as a parent, although I am definitely a work in progress! But had you asked me two years ago, I would have probably said I had failed miserably. Eldest daughter was on the rampage, permanently excluded from school, in and out of court, having sex, doing drugs and staying out for nights on end, with no respect for anyone, declared by the local Police to be the one of the five worst young offenders in Scarborough, and the youngest girl in the country with an ASBO. When she was home, she raged. The more I tried to save her from herself, the further I seemed to push her down that road of self-destruction.
I thought my entire philosphy about raising children was inherently flawed. I have always encouraged my girls to make their own choices, and to express their opinions, whether or not I agree with them. I have encouraged their spirited, rebellious sides. I have cheered when they've been outspoken. I have taught them that they should only respect people who deserve their respect, that they should stand up for their own beliefs, that they shouldn't automatically do or say or think what they are told to by someone else.
So had I inadvertently raised an anti-social, anarchic, dysfunctional monster? Were we a dysfunctional family? Had I failed as a parent? There were many who insisted I had. Officials from the police, the court and various other institutions, suggested I 'try some discipline/take control/be a responsible parent ...' Not helpful. And they couldn't suggest any practical way of achieving such noble aims.
I tried to impose my authority on eldest daughter. I removed all privileges. I locked her in the house. (She jumped out of an upstairs window, which has no lock.) We fought constantly. She stayed at home less and less, we couldn't be in the same room without arguing. We hated each other. We hated ouselves. I hated that I was becoming tyrannical, a dictator in a family that had always been a democracy. She hated the fact that I was always angry or upset with her. We were locked in an unending battle of wills, me and this tiny girl full of fury, and more spirit than I now knew what to do with.I was scared for her, in so many ways. I hated the choices she was making and tried to force her to make the 'right' ones. We didn't understand each other anymore, we couldn't communicate.
But positive people also entered our lives at the time. One of whom was a Parental Advisor, affiliated to the Youth Offending Team. I met her voluntarily, as I was under threat of a Parenting Order otherwise ... not entirely sure what a Parenting Order is, but it doesn't sound good! The PA was wonderful, had kids of her own (who weren't perfect, unlike the children of most people who offered me 'advice'!) and she gave me a gem of an idea:
You need to be a consultant, rather than a manager.
Fantastic! Instead of feeling helpless and with no control over the situation at all, I felt useful and empowered. Instead of feeling undermined, ignored and resented, I began to be a positive influence in my daughter's life again. She has worked hard to turn her life around and I am so proud of her. Most of her 'crowd' (her 'gang') have continued on a difficult and dangerous path, few have escaped repeated custodial sentences. It's very hard to come back from the brink of self-destruction, but she has shown determination, dedication and great maturity.
So if you ask me what the skills necessary to being a good parent are, the first one would be the ability to adapt. From the moment of birth, a child grows and develops, and so changes in many different ways. These changes become more obvious, more apparent, more extreme in adolescence, calling for the need to adapt on an almost daily basis. Apart from becoming a parent, the change from child to adult is possibly the greatest change we will make in our lives. It is difficult for teenagers, as they are neither children nor adults, but caught in a kind of limbo. Their confusion (and perhaps fear?), the pendulum of behaviour, their not knowing whether they are child or adult (whether they want to be child or adult), means it is difficult for a parent to know how to treat them, how to behave towards them, at any given moment.
Well, at least it makes for an interesting life!
Thinking of it from the perspective of a consultant rather than a manager makes sense and is helpful in avoiding huge power struggles. It allows me to take a step back a little, and my lovely, frustrating, fascinating child/adult to take control of her own life. (In a much safer way!) It encourages us to see the bigger picture. It forces us to communicate on a deeper level. It means we can work together in a balanced relationship to achieve success.
What does the term 'successful' really mean when applied to parenting, anyway? I have always thought that my job as a parent is to raise my daughters to be well-balanced, healthy individuals with the skills and choices necessary to thrive in adult life. But if they are not in the end well-balanced and healthy, if their choices are limited, if they don't thrive in adult life, will that mean I have been a failure as a parent?
Being a parent is scary ... it's the most important job in the world, but we do it with no training or support, and it's a job in which doing our best might not be good enough.
I really believe that parenting is only a small part of the process involved in a child developing into an adult. The character of a child is only partly shaped by parents, and the part parents play in this process lessens as a child grows. A child's personality is indeed influenced by parents, but is also affected by other people, by personal choices, by events beyond control, by unique experiences and primarily, by the innate character of the child - the way in which they perceive, and interact with, the world around them. Parents cannot make an extrovert out of an introvert, for example, although sadly, I think some try very hard.
So far, I think I'm doing a pretty good job as a parent, although I am definitely a work in progress! But had you asked me two years ago, I would have probably said I had failed miserably. Eldest daughter was on the rampage, permanently excluded from school, in and out of court, having sex, doing drugs and staying out for nights on end, with no respect for anyone, declared by the local Police to be the one of the five worst young offenders in Scarborough, and the youngest girl in the country with an ASBO. When she was home, she raged. The more I tried to save her from herself, the further I seemed to push her down that road of self-destruction.
I thought my entire philosphy about raising children was inherently flawed. I have always encouraged my girls to make their own choices, and to express their opinions, whether or not I agree with them. I have encouraged their spirited, rebellious sides. I have cheered when they've been outspoken. I have taught them that they should only respect people who deserve their respect, that they should stand up for their own beliefs, that they shouldn't automatically do or say or think what they are told to by someone else.
So had I inadvertently raised an anti-social, anarchic, dysfunctional monster? Were we a dysfunctional family? Had I failed as a parent? There were many who insisted I had. Officials from the police, the court and various other institutions, suggested I 'try some discipline/take control/be a responsible parent ...' Not helpful. And they couldn't suggest any practical way of achieving such noble aims.
I tried to impose my authority on eldest daughter. I removed all privileges. I locked her in the house. (She jumped out of an upstairs window, which has no lock.) We fought constantly. She stayed at home less and less, we couldn't be in the same room without arguing. We hated each other. We hated ouselves. I hated that I was becoming tyrannical, a dictator in a family that had always been a democracy. She hated the fact that I was always angry or upset with her. We were locked in an unending battle of wills, me and this tiny girl full of fury, and more spirit than I now knew what to do with.I was scared for her, in so many ways. I hated the choices she was making and tried to force her to make the 'right' ones. We didn't understand each other anymore, we couldn't communicate.
But positive people also entered our lives at the time. One of whom was a Parental Advisor, affiliated to the Youth Offending Team. I met her voluntarily, as I was under threat of a Parenting Order otherwise ... not entirely sure what a Parenting Order is, but it doesn't sound good! The PA was wonderful, had kids of her own (who weren't perfect, unlike the children of most people who offered me 'advice'!) and she gave me a gem of an idea:
You need to be a consultant, rather than a manager.
Fantastic! Instead of feeling helpless and with no control over the situation at all, I felt useful and empowered. Instead of feeling undermined, ignored and resented, I began to be a positive influence in my daughter's life again. She has worked hard to turn her life around and I am so proud of her. Most of her 'crowd' (her 'gang') have continued on a difficult and dangerous path, few have escaped repeated custodial sentences. It's very hard to come back from the brink of self-destruction, but she has shown determination, dedication and great maturity.
So if you ask me what the skills necessary to being a good parent are, the first one would be the ability to adapt. From the moment of birth, a child grows and develops, and so changes in many different ways. These changes become more obvious, more apparent, more extreme in adolescence, calling for the need to adapt on an almost daily basis. Apart from becoming a parent, the change from child to adult is possibly the greatest change we will make in our lives. It is difficult for teenagers, as they are neither children nor adults, but caught in a kind of limbo. Their confusion (and perhaps fear?), the pendulum of behaviour, their not knowing whether they are child or adult (whether they want to be child or adult), means it is difficult for a parent to know how to treat them, how to behave towards them, at any given moment.
Well, at least it makes for an interesting life!
Thinking of it from the perspective of a consultant rather than a manager makes sense and is helpful in avoiding huge power struggles. It allows me to take a step back a little, and my lovely, frustrating, fascinating child/adult to take control of her own life. (In a much safer way!) It encourages us to see the bigger picture. It forces us to communicate on a deeper level. It means we can work together in a balanced relationship to achieve success.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Household Maintenance for Parents of Teenage Girls
I've done a couple of memes on my Write Here! blog, but thought this would be nice to post here.
With thanks and a big hug to the lovely Casdok! Check out her excellent blog, Mother of Shrek:
http://motherofshrek.blogspot.com/
Five Household Maintenance Tips:
(Mine are from the perspective of a mother of two teenage girls ...)
1. Learn how to put a 'lock' on the phone before teenage girls run up a bill you can't pay!
(I still don't know how to do this, but then it doesn't matter much now, seeing as we haven't got a phone line any more!)
2. If you are going to have girls, try and have them at least 6 years apart, so you don't have two teenage girls in the house at the same time!
(The doctor at my youngest daughter's primary school had FIVE!!! She said she wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But she said she would definitely recommend having five daughters in their twenties.)
3. Teach yourself how to do your own DIY. It saves lots of money if you can fix things yourself, like cupboard doors that have been kicked off their hinges (by teenager or by parent!)
(This tip was inspired by the fab list of tips by Chris, in her comment on Casdok's meme post. Check out her very funny blog too! Diet Coke Rocks, in my links.)
4. When teenage girls are having a bad hair day, don't try offering helpful suggestions, or even sincere compliments. Just go back to bed, or vacate the premises!
5. Listen carefully. Teenage girls are fascinating creatures (am sure boys are too, but I don't personally know any!) and say some very profound things ... and some very funny things too!
I have realised recently that I have a tendency to make assumptions about what my youngest daughter is saying or thinking during a conversation, which she hates (and quite rightly! I'm working on it ... I think I've got used to the way she thinks and need to remind myself that she is changing from child to adult and is likely to develop her thinking in all sorts of directions now.)
(If you'd like to try this meme yourself, consider yourself tagged!) :o)
With thanks and a big hug to the lovely Casdok! Check out her excellent blog, Mother of Shrek:
http://motherofshrek.blogspot.com/
Five Household Maintenance Tips:
(Mine are from the perspective of a mother of two teenage girls ...)
1. Learn how to put a 'lock' on the phone before teenage girls run up a bill you can't pay!
(I still don't know how to do this, but then it doesn't matter much now, seeing as we haven't got a phone line any more!)
2. If you are going to have girls, try and have them at least 6 years apart, so you don't have two teenage girls in the house at the same time!
(The doctor at my youngest daughter's primary school had FIVE!!! She said she wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But she said she would definitely recommend having five daughters in their twenties.)
3. Teach yourself how to do your own DIY. It saves lots of money if you can fix things yourself, like cupboard doors that have been kicked off their hinges (by teenager or by parent!)
(This tip was inspired by the fab list of tips by Chris, in her comment on Casdok's meme post. Check out her very funny blog too! Diet Coke Rocks, in my links.)
4. When teenage girls are having a bad hair day, don't try offering helpful suggestions, or even sincere compliments. Just go back to bed, or vacate the premises!
5. Listen carefully. Teenage girls are fascinating creatures (am sure boys are too, but I don't personally know any!) and say some very profound things ... and some very funny things too!
I have realised recently that I have a tendency to make assumptions about what my youngest daughter is saying or thinking during a conversation, which she hates (and quite rightly! I'm working on it ... I think I've got used to the way she thinks and need to remind myself that she is changing from child to adult and is likely to develop her thinking in all sorts of directions now.)
(If you'd like to try this meme yourself, consider yourself tagged!) :o)
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Writing an Essay
Ten Tips for writing an Essay
1. Know Your Stuff!
Assess your current knowledge and understanding of the subject you will be writing about.
Collate all the information you already have – a mind map is an excellent way to do this, and it’s well worth finding a little time to dip into The Mindmap Book, by the Buzan brothers. Alternatively, list everything you know, using different colour pens to group items, to highlight the most important or relevant, or to distinguish areas you may need to revisit.
Once you know what you know, you need to know what you don’t know! List areas you need to research and possible sources, begin researching with specific questions in mind (or better still, written down!)
Make sure your research is wide-ranging but focussed. Be methodical in your note-taking and especially careful in recording your references, to avoid any possibility of unintentional plagiarism.
2. Hit the Books!
You should be reading around the subject extensively before you even get your assignment.
Make notes and list questions for further research as you read. Keep notes concise, using keywords and short quotations, briefly expanded by your own ideas.
Keeping your assignment in mind, learn to skim read for things of interest, which you can then later read in depth. This way you get to filter out irrelevancies, making more effective use of the time you spend reading.
Read a variety of texts, by various authors, expand your module reading list in all directions. Use a variety of media (radio/tv broadcasts, films, the internet) but maintain an academic focus.
3. The Best-Laid Plans …!
Take the time to make a written study plan (essential to effective time-management)
A definitive plan will help to avoid eleventh hour disasters. At the very least, list how many weeks/hours you can realistically expect to use for studying before the assignment is due. Note special lectures or tutorials.
Appreciate time as an important resource – use it wisely and avoid the destructive cycle of procrastinating and binge studying.
Expect the unexpected! Practically, this means plan to allow yourself some ‘extra’ time to deal with unexpected events.
4. Radiant Thinking!
Your brain is amazing, and one of your most important resources.
Approach your assignment with resolve, imagination and a positive outlook. Treat it as an opportunity to showcase your knowledge and understanding.
Recognise your resources – be imaginative! These include physical, intellectual and emotional aspects of yourself, time and space, health, fun and relaxation, and other people.
Try mind mapping – the perfect example of radiant thinking and an excellent resource to use in all areas of your studying (in fact, in all areas of your life!)
5. Raw Ingredients!
Lectures are the raw ingredients of an assignment. You mix them together, add a few more things, some time and some care, and voilá! your recipe for success!
Preparation - To make the most of lectures, ensure you arrive on time, in the right frame of mind, and with everything you need. Don’t ignore something you don’t understand – make a note of it and approach the lecturer for some help at an appropriate time.
Notes – trying to take extensive, detailed notes during an interesting lecture is almost impossible – it means you often miss useful ideas or information. Try using key words or mind mapping. Expand, action and file notes weekly.
Appreciation – express your appreciation to lecturers – always thank them for their time and insight, and tell them when they give a lecture in a particularly useful format. Use any module feedback sheets.
6. Waving, Not Drowning!
Everyone needs a little support now and then.
There are plenty of sources of support within university, depending on the type of help you need. You may need someone to explain things in greater depth, or to advise you about your grammar, or to help you with time-keeping, to inspire you or reboot your enthusiasm, or perhaps you just need a friendly ear.
Ask for help sooner rather than later. Ensure clear communication with lecturers, your family and friends, to keep them informed of your progress and of your needs.
Recognising where you need support, and reaching out to ask for it, are strengths well worth developing as general life-skills. When stuck with an essay, a few minutes conversation with someone can make all the difference.
7. Clean and tidy!
Make sure the format of your assignment is logical, balanced, of a high academic standard, and thoroughly readable.
Ensure an academic style (language, grammar, punctuation) and follow the guidelines for presentation in module handbooks.
Pay attention to your referencing. Stick rigidly to whichever system is preferred in your area of study. Keep any footnotes succinct and take time with your bibliography.
8. Nail Your Argument!
An imaginative, innovative argument will usually be appreciated, but ensure your argument makes sense!
Use words, statistics and diagrams, to underpin your argument as necessary.
Support your argument with academic references. You must ground any argument in existing understanding or theory.
Provide an extensive bibliography to support your references. Never include texts you haven’t read.
9. Make it Shine!
Leave time at the end to polish your work before it is submitted.
A rushed finish is always evident and always disappointing. Build time into your plan to avoid the frustration of handing in a piece of work and knowing you could have done a much better job. A final, thorough proofread prevents sloppy mistakes.
If possible, have a break for a few days before your final edit/proofread, so you read it with fresh eyes. Or ask someone else to read it for you.
Pay attention to external presentation – first impressions do count! Unless told specifically which kind of folder to use, bear in mind the ease of reading when you choose. Use high quality paper and ensure your printing is crisp and clear.
10. Avoid the White Rabbit Syndrome!
Avoid the need for extensions – they do nothing for your self-esteem, your stress levels or your academic reputation.
If the unthinkable happens and for genuine reasons, beyond your control, you need an extension, approach your lecturer. Be prepared to fill in a mitigating circumstances form, and to support it with evidence. However, the following will guard against the need for extensions.
Set early deadlines. When you first receive a submission date, change it! Choose a date (1-2 weeks earlier depending on the length, the time necessary and the time available) a date that is memorable to you. From this point on, focus on this new deadline, and ‘forget’ the original.
Set yourself ‘mini’ deadlines, working backwards from the 'revised' due date, enlisting support to treat them seriously, and to stick to them.
More on this later, as it's a huge part of studying! But one more, very important tip: If you get the chance to choose your own essay title/subject, choose something you find interesting and have fun with it!
(And bear in mind that lecturers read a lot of essays, many of which are very similar, so if you choose the title or subject everyone else is avoiding, it will provide a refreshing change for the person marking your work!)
1. Know Your Stuff!
Assess your current knowledge and understanding of the subject you will be writing about.
Collate all the information you already have – a mind map is an excellent way to do this, and it’s well worth finding a little time to dip into The Mindmap Book, by the Buzan brothers. Alternatively, list everything you know, using different colour pens to group items, to highlight the most important or relevant, or to distinguish areas you may need to revisit.
Once you know what you know, you need to know what you don’t know! List areas you need to research and possible sources, begin researching with specific questions in mind (or better still, written down!)
Make sure your research is wide-ranging but focussed. Be methodical in your note-taking and especially careful in recording your references, to avoid any possibility of unintentional plagiarism.
2. Hit the Books!
You should be reading around the subject extensively before you even get your assignment.
Make notes and list questions for further research as you read. Keep notes concise, using keywords and short quotations, briefly expanded by your own ideas.
Keeping your assignment in mind, learn to skim read for things of interest, which you can then later read in depth. This way you get to filter out irrelevancies, making more effective use of the time you spend reading.
Read a variety of texts, by various authors, expand your module reading list in all directions. Use a variety of media (radio/tv broadcasts, films, the internet) but maintain an academic focus.
3. The Best-Laid Plans …!
Take the time to make a written study plan (essential to effective time-management)
A definitive plan will help to avoid eleventh hour disasters. At the very least, list how many weeks/hours you can realistically expect to use for studying before the assignment is due. Note special lectures or tutorials.
Appreciate time as an important resource – use it wisely and avoid the destructive cycle of procrastinating and binge studying.
Expect the unexpected! Practically, this means plan to allow yourself some ‘extra’ time to deal with unexpected events.
4. Radiant Thinking!
Your brain is amazing, and one of your most important resources.
Approach your assignment with resolve, imagination and a positive outlook. Treat it as an opportunity to showcase your knowledge and understanding.
Recognise your resources – be imaginative! These include physical, intellectual and emotional aspects of yourself, time and space, health, fun and relaxation, and other people.
Try mind mapping – the perfect example of radiant thinking and an excellent resource to use in all areas of your studying (in fact, in all areas of your life!)
5. Raw Ingredients!
Lectures are the raw ingredients of an assignment. You mix them together, add a few more things, some time and some care, and voilá! your recipe for success!
Preparation - To make the most of lectures, ensure you arrive on time, in the right frame of mind, and with everything you need. Don’t ignore something you don’t understand – make a note of it and approach the lecturer for some help at an appropriate time.
Notes – trying to take extensive, detailed notes during an interesting lecture is almost impossible – it means you often miss useful ideas or information. Try using key words or mind mapping. Expand, action and file notes weekly.
Appreciation – express your appreciation to lecturers – always thank them for their time and insight, and tell them when they give a lecture in a particularly useful format. Use any module feedback sheets.
6. Waving, Not Drowning!
Everyone needs a little support now and then.
There are plenty of sources of support within university, depending on the type of help you need. You may need someone to explain things in greater depth, or to advise you about your grammar, or to help you with time-keeping, to inspire you or reboot your enthusiasm, or perhaps you just need a friendly ear.
Ask for help sooner rather than later. Ensure clear communication with lecturers, your family and friends, to keep them informed of your progress and of your needs.
Recognising where you need support, and reaching out to ask for it, are strengths well worth developing as general life-skills. When stuck with an essay, a few minutes conversation with someone can make all the difference.
7. Clean and tidy!
Make sure the format of your assignment is logical, balanced, of a high academic standard, and thoroughly readable.
Ensure an academic style (language, grammar, punctuation) and follow the guidelines for presentation in module handbooks.
Pay attention to your referencing. Stick rigidly to whichever system is preferred in your area of study. Keep any footnotes succinct and take time with your bibliography.
8. Nail Your Argument!
An imaginative, innovative argument will usually be appreciated, but ensure your argument makes sense!
Use words, statistics and diagrams, to underpin your argument as necessary.
Support your argument with academic references. You must ground any argument in existing understanding or theory.
Provide an extensive bibliography to support your references. Never include texts you haven’t read.
9. Make it Shine!
Leave time at the end to polish your work before it is submitted.
A rushed finish is always evident and always disappointing. Build time into your plan to avoid the frustration of handing in a piece of work and knowing you could have done a much better job. A final, thorough proofread prevents sloppy mistakes.
If possible, have a break for a few days before your final edit/proofread, so you read it with fresh eyes. Or ask someone else to read it for you.
Pay attention to external presentation – first impressions do count! Unless told specifically which kind of folder to use, bear in mind the ease of reading when you choose. Use high quality paper and ensure your printing is crisp and clear.
10. Avoid the White Rabbit Syndrome!
Avoid the need for extensions – they do nothing for your self-esteem, your stress levels or your academic reputation.
If the unthinkable happens and for genuine reasons, beyond your control, you need an extension, approach your lecturer. Be prepared to fill in a mitigating circumstances form, and to support it with evidence. However, the following will guard against the need for extensions.
Set early deadlines. When you first receive a submission date, change it! Choose a date (1-2 weeks earlier depending on the length, the time necessary and the time available) a date that is memorable to you. From this point on, focus on this new deadline, and ‘forget’ the original.
Set yourself ‘mini’ deadlines, working backwards from the 'revised' due date, enlisting support to treat them seriously, and to stick to them.
More on this later, as it's a huge part of studying! But one more, very important tip: If you get the chance to choose your own essay title/subject, choose something you find interesting and have fun with it!
(And bear in mind that lecturers read a lot of essays, many of which are very similar, so if you choose the title or subject everyone else is avoiding, it will provide a refreshing change for the person marking your work!)
Money Money Money (must be funny!)
Hmmmm, I really should practise what I preach!
The very first tip here is something I struggle with continuously ... see my Learning Curve blog!
Ten Tips for Managing Money
1. No Time Like the Present!
Use your time wisely – it doesn’t take long to assess and gain (maintain) control of your finances It’s much easier to be an ostrich and avoid dealing with things, but they soon grow into much longer, more demanding tasks.
Set aside a morning or afternoon to draw up a proper plan, and then allow half an hour every week for ongoing management.
The passage of time – time offers a new perspective. Big problems become much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
Read, action and file financial paperwork every day – a few minutes will save hours of frustration trying to find paperwork later, and also prevents feeling so overwhelmed by something that you can no longer face it.
2. Stay in Touch!
Handle your money in person – avoid any kind of technological payment, and stick to cash as much as possible.
Get touchy-feely with your money, and you will appreciate it more. Withdraw a lump sum of cash at the beginning of the week and make it last.
Control your spending – it is easy to underestimate your spending. Make sure you have a realistic picture, by keeping a record – the longer the period covered, the better the picture you will have.
Suze Orman suggests that ‘how you actually keep your money, is where respect for it starts.’ Keep your purse/wallet tidy, with notes straight, the same way round and organised into different denominations.
3. Weed your Garden!
Tend your financial garden, removing all weeds of past mistakes and future fears.
Suzanne Olson believes that our relationship with money is founded on our earliest memories of it, and she offers interesting advice to help you face up to and overcome financial difficulties.
Learn from mistakes, rather than hide from them – weeds will soon overtake your garden if you ignore them.
Face the fear – understand your fears and take action to address them.
4. Value Evaluation!
Things only run smoothly in life if they are based on your core values.
Assess your personal values and integrate them into your financial life.
Value your money – don’t throw it away! Throwing away unread magazines, rarely worn clothes or shoes, unfinished toiletries, or food left to go off, is like throwing your money in the bin.
Distinguish wealth from riches. Never allow money to be the ‘be all and end all’ of life – learn to appreciate the important, priceless things in life.
5. The Budget Blues!
Keep it realistic – the best advice when it comes to budgeting is to be brutally honest with yourself.
Record your spending in detail and try and track it over a period (3-12 months) Remember to allow for ‘hidden’ spending when you draw up a budget.
Take control – when you blow your budget, admit it! Review the situation as soon as possible, make amendments and move forwards.
Freedom is a state of mind. Things change – such is life! Stay positive and believe that everything happens for a reason.
6. Think Small!
The mind is a powerful resource! Use it to your advantage in your financial life.
If you think you have less to spend, you will undoubtedly spend less. Here again, withdrawing a set amount of cash at the beginning of the week will help.
Appreciate the little things in life. Exchange dîner á deux for a bag of chips on a bench overlooking the sea. Receiving (or making) a hand-made gift cuts down on the costs and ups the feelgood factor. Always go for quality over quantity – a small bag of Thorntons is infinitely better than a big box of cheap chocs!
Pennies make pounds! Think carefully about small expenses – they soon add up. This works equally in reverse – save all your loose change in a bottle or jar (see Tip 9.)
7. Take Aim Carefully!
Think seriously, taking your values into consideration, before setting yourself goals.
Be adventurous. Write them down, using positive language, and set a date by which you want to achieve them.
Focus on one main goal and evaluate your progress regularly. Stay positive, don’t let any setbacks put you off.
Set SMART goals. (More about this later!)
8. Wolves At the Door!
It is probably impossible to finish University without having acquired any debt, but do your best to keep it under control, so you can start your working life in the best financial position possible.
Maintain control of your credit – unless strictly controlled, credit soon morphs into debt. Avoid credit cards if possible, otherwise research to get the best deal, try and pay the balance every month – use them as a short-term rather than a long-term loan.
If you get out of depth, ask for help – earlier rather than later. Debt mounts up quickly, never sorts itself out, and costs more as time passes. Deal with it before it becomes a problem.
Bin your pride – search the Funderfinder database for help from charitable sources, rather than borrowing more money.
9. Rainy Days!
Whether saving pennies for some spare cash at the end of the week/month/semester, or saving pounds in an account for a large expense (holiday, car, electric guitar …) remember that regular payments are the key to success.
Collect spare change - on a daily or weekly basis, empty your pockets into a jar, tin or bottle, and it will soon build up into something substantial. If you share your home, collect coins together and in just a few weeks you will be able to buy something for the home, put some money towards a bill or treat yourselves to a takeaway and DVD.
Research savings accounts thoroughly, and check out options such as ISAs. Be disciplined about saving, make regular payments into your account and avoid dipping into savings.
If you find yourself with some extra money that you want to invest, research your options thoroughly and seek professional advice.
10. Protect Yourself!
Keep yourself safe from financial pitfalls.
For a list of simple steps to avoid falling victim to the rapidly growing crime of identity theft, see the excellent website: Ihatefinancialplanning.com
Identity theft is a far-reaching, destructive crime with traumatic, disastrous circumstances, but it is easy to avoid. One of the simplest steps you can take, is to opt out of junk mail. This is not only easy to do, but saves natural resources and provides freedom from the frustration of piles of unwanted rubbish.
It is always a good idea to have some basic insurance, covering your belongings, your home (depending on your situation) and yourself, particularly when travelling or if a participant in dangerous activities.
The very first tip here is something I struggle with continuously ... see my Learning Curve blog!
Ten Tips for Managing Money
1. No Time Like the Present!
Use your time wisely – it doesn’t take long to assess and gain (maintain) control of your finances It’s much easier to be an ostrich and avoid dealing with things, but they soon grow into much longer, more demanding tasks.
Set aside a morning or afternoon to draw up a proper plan, and then allow half an hour every week for ongoing management.
The passage of time – time offers a new perspective. Big problems become much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
Read, action and file financial paperwork every day – a few minutes will save hours of frustration trying to find paperwork later, and also prevents feeling so overwhelmed by something that you can no longer face it.
2. Stay in Touch!
Handle your money in person – avoid any kind of technological payment, and stick to cash as much as possible.
Get touchy-feely with your money, and you will appreciate it more. Withdraw a lump sum of cash at the beginning of the week and make it last.
Control your spending – it is easy to underestimate your spending. Make sure you have a realistic picture, by keeping a record – the longer the period covered, the better the picture you will have.
Suze Orman suggests that ‘how you actually keep your money, is where respect for it starts.’ Keep your purse/wallet tidy, with notes straight, the same way round and organised into different denominations.
3. Weed your Garden!
Tend your financial garden, removing all weeds of past mistakes and future fears.
Suzanne Olson believes that our relationship with money is founded on our earliest memories of it, and she offers interesting advice to help you face up to and overcome financial difficulties.
Learn from mistakes, rather than hide from them – weeds will soon overtake your garden if you ignore them.
Face the fear – understand your fears and take action to address them.
4. Value Evaluation!
Things only run smoothly in life if they are based on your core values.
Assess your personal values and integrate them into your financial life.
Value your money – don’t throw it away! Throwing away unread magazines, rarely worn clothes or shoes, unfinished toiletries, or food left to go off, is like throwing your money in the bin.
Distinguish wealth from riches. Never allow money to be the ‘be all and end all’ of life – learn to appreciate the important, priceless things in life.
5. The Budget Blues!
Keep it realistic – the best advice when it comes to budgeting is to be brutally honest with yourself.
Record your spending in detail and try and track it over a period (3-12 months) Remember to allow for ‘hidden’ spending when you draw up a budget.
Take control – when you blow your budget, admit it! Review the situation as soon as possible, make amendments and move forwards.
Freedom is a state of mind. Things change – such is life! Stay positive and believe that everything happens for a reason.
6. Think Small!
The mind is a powerful resource! Use it to your advantage in your financial life.
If you think you have less to spend, you will undoubtedly spend less. Here again, withdrawing a set amount of cash at the beginning of the week will help.
Appreciate the little things in life. Exchange dîner á deux for a bag of chips on a bench overlooking the sea. Receiving (or making) a hand-made gift cuts down on the costs and ups the feelgood factor. Always go for quality over quantity – a small bag of Thorntons is infinitely better than a big box of cheap chocs!
Pennies make pounds! Think carefully about small expenses – they soon add up. This works equally in reverse – save all your loose change in a bottle or jar (see Tip 9.)
7. Take Aim Carefully!
Think seriously, taking your values into consideration, before setting yourself goals.
Be adventurous. Write them down, using positive language, and set a date by which you want to achieve them.
Focus on one main goal and evaluate your progress regularly. Stay positive, don’t let any setbacks put you off.
Set SMART goals. (More about this later!)
8. Wolves At the Door!
It is probably impossible to finish University without having acquired any debt, but do your best to keep it under control, so you can start your working life in the best financial position possible.
Maintain control of your credit – unless strictly controlled, credit soon morphs into debt. Avoid credit cards if possible, otherwise research to get the best deal, try and pay the balance every month – use them as a short-term rather than a long-term loan.
If you get out of depth, ask for help – earlier rather than later. Debt mounts up quickly, never sorts itself out, and costs more as time passes. Deal with it before it becomes a problem.
Bin your pride – search the Funderfinder database for help from charitable sources, rather than borrowing more money.
9. Rainy Days!
Whether saving pennies for some spare cash at the end of the week/month/semester, or saving pounds in an account for a large expense (holiday, car, electric guitar …) remember that regular payments are the key to success.
Collect spare change - on a daily or weekly basis, empty your pockets into a jar, tin or bottle, and it will soon build up into something substantial. If you share your home, collect coins together and in just a few weeks you will be able to buy something for the home, put some money towards a bill or treat yourselves to a takeaway and DVD.
Research savings accounts thoroughly, and check out options such as ISAs. Be disciplined about saving, make regular payments into your account and avoid dipping into savings.
If you find yourself with some extra money that you want to invest, research your options thoroughly and seek professional advice.
10. Protect Yourself!
Keep yourself safe from financial pitfalls.
For a list of simple steps to avoid falling victim to the rapidly growing crime of identity theft, see the excellent website: Ihatefinancialplanning.com
Identity theft is a far-reaching, destructive crime with traumatic, disastrous circumstances, but it is easy to avoid. One of the simplest steps you can take, is to opt out of junk mail. This is not only easy to do, but saves natural resources and provides freedom from the frustration of piles of unwanted rubbish.
It is always a good idea to have some basic insurance, covering your belongings, your home (depending on your situation) and yourself, particularly when travelling or if a participant in dangerous activities.
Poem as promised ...
I found two poems I wrote while struggling in the pit of despair, but thought I'd show you this one first, to explain that I really am not a poet, and I definitely know it!
Rhyming couplets still evade me
I just can't think in rhyme.
Perhaps the poetry of poetry
Will come to me in time ...
So, here's a couple of poems full of doom and gloom, not at all like my usual attempts:
The Abyss
Beyond the turmoil of overwhelming emotion
A spirit, torn apart, unrecognisable,
Lies within the abyss ...
Which may, for a time, be comforting
A place of no worry, no sorrow and no pain
But is a dangerous place
Where nothing can thrive,
Nothing can live for long ...
Love, smiles, hugs
Cannot enter here,
Cannot dispel the darkness.
Outside the walls, enemies lie in seige
Alongside friends and allies ...
All are held at bay
All are excluded.
Together they hammer on the gates ...
Gates which can only be opened outwards.
Sleepless
In the absolute silence of the hour before dawn
When i've climbed the walls, endlessly paced the floors
And finally wept myself empty,
I lie twisting in the void.
Differing emotions vying for attention
Clamouring for acceptance ...
Optimism is now the stuff of abandoned fairy tales
Pessimism is a shrine
Doubt and doom and gloom the new reality.
Sadness surges along every nerve,
Loneliness scrapes the surface of my skin
Teasing the fine hairs to attention.
The ache within threatens to explode and engulf me,
When Hope enters the fray once more
With battered standard,
Never far from the battlefield, from the never-ending struggle ...
Yet sadly,
A mere fleeting angel
Against such staunch opposition ...
Goodness! I really was in a bad place ... I certainly wouldn't want to go back there again, although the truth is that was the easy part. When I was actually in that dark place, I didn't give a damn!
The hard bit, the bit I really wouldn't want to do again (though it's good to know I can), was the struggle back to health. It took almost a year of hard work.
Here's a few examples of the sort of poetry I write usually (though to be honest am more a prose writer than a poet, so you mightn't call it poetry!):
On Your Journey Through Life ...
May many miles be filled with smiles
May your days be warm,
Your sunsets beautiful, and your dawns full of hope.
May you always have enough
And some left over to share.
May the travellers you meet along the way
Teach you something and learn from you,
May you always part from those who choose another
path, in peace and friendship.
May you never choose the easy way,
Nor the most difficult
But the one your heart leads you to.
Don’t stand too long looking back along the road,
Or forward,
But look around you,
Listen, feel, inhale every moment.
Don’t run!
There’s no hurry, no worry,
No destination,
But much to be enjoyed along the way.
Heaven on Earth
Do you know the way to Heaven?
Have you wondered
And wandered the paths that wind inwards
To the very centre of your existence?
Heaven is here …
All around you.
Within you.
Within your heart when truly loved and in love,
Within your mind when you know you did your best,
Within your soul when you watch a child blossom.
Heaven is a hug.
A smile. A gentle word.
A field of daisies.
A flock of geese heading home at dusk.
Fingers and mouths stained with blackberry juice.
Music which makes your feet dance
And your heart sing.
Mum’s Sunday dinner, a sunny afternoon walking the dog, dinner with an old friend, a lie-in with a lover…
Heaven is where you look for it.
Mistakes
If I’m wrong, I’m wrong!
And tomorrow, or the day after
I’ll say … Ok!
So I made a mistake
I was wrong
But I might’ve been right!
I might be right the next time
And that’s what really counts ...
Dreams Are Always Worth Chasing!
Where does rational thought end
and wishful thinking begin?
What distinguishes a dream from a fantasy
or a wish from a whim?
How far up in the sky
does the pie have to be?
And who says pigs can’t fly?
Rhyming couplets still evade me
I just can't think in rhyme.
Perhaps the poetry of poetry
Will come to me in time ...
So, here's a couple of poems full of doom and gloom, not at all like my usual attempts:
The Abyss
Beyond the turmoil of overwhelming emotion
A spirit, torn apart, unrecognisable,
Lies within the abyss ...
Which may, for a time, be comforting
A place of no worry, no sorrow and no pain
But is a dangerous place
Where nothing can thrive,
Nothing can live for long ...
Love, smiles, hugs
Cannot enter here,
Cannot dispel the darkness.
Outside the walls, enemies lie in seige
Alongside friends and allies ...
All are held at bay
All are excluded.
Together they hammer on the gates ...
Gates which can only be opened outwards.
Sleepless
In the absolute silence of the hour before dawn
When i've climbed the walls, endlessly paced the floors
And finally wept myself empty,
I lie twisting in the void.
Differing emotions vying for attention
Clamouring for acceptance ...
Optimism is now the stuff of abandoned fairy tales
Pessimism is a shrine
Doubt and doom and gloom the new reality.
Sadness surges along every nerve,
Loneliness scrapes the surface of my skin
Teasing the fine hairs to attention.
The ache within threatens to explode and engulf me,
When Hope enters the fray once more
With battered standard,
Never far from the battlefield, from the never-ending struggle ...
Yet sadly,
A mere fleeting angel
Against such staunch opposition ...
Goodness! I really was in a bad place ... I certainly wouldn't want to go back there again, although the truth is that was the easy part. When I was actually in that dark place, I didn't give a damn!
The hard bit, the bit I really wouldn't want to do again (though it's good to know I can), was the struggle back to health. It took almost a year of hard work.
Here's a few examples of the sort of poetry I write usually (though to be honest am more a prose writer than a poet, so you mightn't call it poetry!):
On Your Journey Through Life ...
May many miles be filled with smiles
May your days be warm,
Your sunsets beautiful, and your dawns full of hope.
May you always have enough
And some left over to share.
May the travellers you meet along the way
Teach you something and learn from you,
May you always part from those who choose another
path, in peace and friendship.
May you never choose the easy way,
Nor the most difficult
But the one your heart leads you to.
Don’t stand too long looking back along the road,
Or forward,
But look around you,
Listen, feel, inhale every moment.
Don’t run!
There’s no hurry, no worry,
No destination,
But much to be enjoyed along the way.
Heaven on Earth
Do you know the way to Heaven?
Have you wondered
And wandered the paths that wind inwards
To the very centre of your existence?
Heaven is here …
All around you.
Within you.
Within your heart when truly loved and in love,
Within your mind when you know you did your best,
Within your soul when you watch a child blossom.
Heaven is a hug.
A smile. A gentle word.
A field of daisies.
A flock of geese heading home at dusk.
Fingers and mouths stained with blackberry juice.
Music which makes your feet dance
And your heart sing.
Mum’s Sunday dinner, a sunny afternoon walking the dog, dinner with an old friend, a lie-in with a lover…
Heaven is where you look for it.
Mistakes
If I’m wrong, I’m wrong!
And tomorrow, or the day after
I’ll say … Ok!
So I made a mistake
I was wrong
But I might’ve been right!
I might be right the next time
And that’s what really counts ...
Dreams Are Always Worth Chasing!
Where does rational thought end
and wishful thinking begin?
What distinguishes a dream from a fantasy
or a wish from a whim?
How far up in the sky
does the pie have to be?
And who says pigs can’t fly?
Cheating Again (it's good for your mental health!)
OK, here's another one I wrote before ...
(Well, if it's alright for Blue Peter ...!)
It was written for new students at Hull University, Scarborough Campus. So wasn't intended for student parents, but I thought maybe some of it would be useful:
Ten Tips for Making the Most of Your Student Experience.
1. The Boring Stuff!
Quote:
Pay attention to the basics – food sleep and exercise are the basic fuels for physical and mental health.
Food: Eat breakfast! All nutritionists recommend starting the day with a healthy breakfast, especially important if you have a lecture first thing. (See The Eat Well Cookbook for inspirational ideas to kick-start your day/metabolism) Try to eat regular, balanced meals. Arm yourself with healthy snacks for a study session, and make sure you eat before you drink (alcohol).
Sleep: Make sure you get enough good quality sleep – nobody (no body) functions well on a lack of sleep, or feels good after a night of broken sleep. Treat yourself to a couple of early nights or lie-ins, as often as you can.
Exercise: Walk whenever, wherever you can! The perfect exercise, for any fitness level, it costs nothing (in fact, walking to university or town will save you money in bus fares) and has huge health benefits. Find a friend to share a long walk, once or twice a week or try power-walking during study breaks.
2. Take Care!
Quote:
Look after the important things in life – this includes keeping yourself, your belongings, and your personal details safe.
Things: Make sure your belongings are marked, and insured if necessary, and take sensible precautions to keep them safe from theft, loss or damage.
Information: Be wary of sharing personal details – protect yourself against identity theft. Consider how you dispose of financial paperwork. Opting out of junk mail is an easy step to take in protecting your details.
You: Get yourself insured if you think you need to (if you indulge in risky sports, for example) particularly if you have dependents. Always be aware of your personal safety - stick with friends when out late, never leave drinks unattended.
3. Be Safe!
Quote:
Practise safe sex. Always.
Enough said.
Except that, none of us is perfect, so take further precautions against pregnancy if you’re female. And, whichever gender you are, if you are in any doubt as to your sexual health, get yourself tested!
4. Work to Live!
Quote:
Being able to achieve and maintain a healthy work/life balance, is an essential life-skill well worth developing.
Income/Expenditure: Consider the income/expenditure payoff – could you save a little more and work a little less, could you be paid more for what you do, or do a different job? Remember, your time is an important resource – make sure you are getting the best value for it.
Budget: Plan a budget based on reliable income and your expenditure (bear in mind, when calculating this, that most people underestimate their spending) and stick to it as far as possible. Use any extra income for treats or to pay debts, or add to your savings, depending on your financial situation.
Credit/Debt/Savings: Avoid credit if at all possible – it’s an easy way to serious, expensive debt and a great deal of stress. Get help as soon as possible with debts you can’t handle. Try and save something – no matter how small the amount – on a regular basis, to avoid the need for credit, or the trouble of debt.
5. A Day in the Life of a Student!
Quote:
Studying will make up a large portion of your experience as a student!
Make it Effective: Avoid studying when tired, hungry, or stressed about another area of your life. Deal with distractions before a study session and keep sessions short and focussed.
Make it Interesting/Useful: Focus your research on the areas of greatest interest to yourself, and combine areas of research whenever possible.
Make it Fun: Find a ‘study buddy’ or start a study group. Read a book sitting outside in the sunshine. Camp out in your bed with a fresh fruit smoothie and edible treats, your favourite music and an aromatherapy candle.
6. Whatever Floats Your Boat!
Quote:
There are many opportunities to explore further interests, or aspects of student life – religious or spiritual beliefs, or political bents, or more general interests.
CV: Any groups or clubs you join will provide excellent evidence of people skills for your CV. If you set up, or are involved in the running of a club, you will also have evidence of organisational and management skills.
Social Circle: Share your interests with other like-minded people. Or try something new and widen your social circle to meet different kinds of people.
Volunteering: It’s true, volunteering is another useful CV exercise, but it is in fact so much more than that. Volunteering will provide you with a sense of fulfilment, of being useful, and of understanding the world (and yourself) a little better.
7. Go Far!
Quote:
Whether you are from Scarborough, or from the other side of the world, you will probably travel far and wide during your time as a student.
Academic: Depending on your degree subject, you might have to travel as part of your studies – field trips for example, or trips to other libraries or archives for research (make good use of the university’s inter-library loan system).
Home: If you’re not a local student, you will probably want to travel home at regular intervals (depending on how far you need to go). You will usually know when and where you will be travelling well in advance, take advantage of this to save money.
Away Days, High Days and Holidays: Avoid travelling on the very busiest days of the year – academic holidays allow you to travel earlier or later than most people at Christmas, for example. Take full advantage of being a student in obtaining discounts.
8. Have Fun!
Quote:
All of the above can be fun (should be fun!) but sometimes it’s good to have fun just for the sake of having fun.
Activities: Indulge in your favourite sports and take advantage of Scarborough’s location to try new things. The coast provides opportunities for all sorts of water-based activities (surfing, diving, sailing) and the surrounding countryside is perfect for activities including horse riding, pot-holing and camping.
Relaxation: Take your relaxation seriously! Recharging your physical, intellectual and emotional batteries on a regular basis is essential to ensuring you keep firing on all cylinders, so can make the best of your time at university.
Partying: Partying is part and parcel of the student experience … enjoy! Keep yourself safe, stay in groups and look out for each other when out and about. Keep an eye on your alcohol consumption and don’t let it impinge on the rest of your life.
9. Explore!
Quote:
We are blessed with stunning coastline on one side and gorgeous countryside on the other, both of which are drenched in history. Make the most of your time here as a student, whether you are a first-time visitor or have lived here all your life.
Tourist Attractions: Although only a small seaside town, Scarborough has some must-visit places (the castle, the sea life centre, museums …) which attract people from all over the country. Make sure you visit them while they are on your doorstep.
Day Trips: Travel just a little further afield and you will discover plenty of interesting places. Whitby, York and Robin Hood’s Bay are all great for a day away – easily accessible by bus or train, and full of things to see or do.
Local Resources: If you cook for yourself, take advantage of local produce – fruit, veg, fish. Visit the Tourist Information Office or the Local Library for further information.
10. Ask for Directions!
Quote:
We all need a little guidance, advice or support sometimes. Whatever help you need, the university has systems to provide it, or can advise you where to find it elsewhere.
Professional: Financial or legal advice, medical contacts, support with finding accommodation or dealing with disability, all are available at university.
Academic / Career Guidance: Lecturers will often be your first contact when you have a difficulty with studying, but take advantages of the services offered by others too. Make an appointment with the Study Skills Advice team for general help, or for help with dyslexia for example. The library staff are always pleased to help with enquiries and the staff in the IT Suite will help with technical queries. Call in to Career Guidance now and then, to keep yourself updated.
Emotional / Mental Health: There is a fantastic counselling service within university, a 24hour helpline, or a number of avenues outside university, if you’d prefer to keep the two separate. You are not alone and don’t have to deal with things by yourself. Everything you say will be confidential , and will have been heard before!
Well, I hope some of it is helpful, for someone!
Mental/emotional health (wellbeing) is something that really interests me, so I'll probably write some more about that at some point. Suffice to say for now, I have personal experience of difficulty in this area, having had a total physical and emotional breakdown at the end of my second year at university.
Nothing to do with university, in fact that's what kept me going for so long! But everywhere else I turned, I faced a problem, there were issues with my daughters, finances, an injury to my back, and a man I was dating. I lacked sleep and nourishment and ran myself into the ground, finally ending up on my knees, at just over seven stone in weight (feel healthiest at over nine), incapable of writing a shopping list, let alone an essay.
With a lot of help and support from a lot of people, I returned to university in September to take my second year exams, and then continued with the course, finally gaining a First Class Honours degree.
The blip in the middle was both the best and worst of times ... I learnt such a lot about myself. It was an opportunity to rebuild myself from a place that was nothing and nowhere, a personal abyss. (I'll try and find a poem I wrote about that at the time.) For years, I had blinkered myself, hadn't allowed myself to change, and as I went through the healing process, I realised things like: Hey! I actually like pink and fluffy! (Whereas I would have said before that I wasn't at all girlie.)
Perhaps the biggest thing I learnt was that being such a perfectionist is very unhealthy. I am much more gentle with myself now ... I still have high standards and expectations, but am happy to accept that my best is good enough, and that perfection is rare for a reason!
I also learnt a lot about stress management, how to recognise the signs of stress, and how to deal with stress before it has a detrimental effect. I don't believe we can avoid stress in today's society, but we can handle it in more positive ways.
Mental illness is still so taboo, which is crazy, considering one in three of us are suffering one form or another at any given time! So, I have always been open about my own experiences, in the hope that others will feel less alone, and less judgmental of themselves: I refused to accept I was ill, until my lovely doctor rephrased it: Dianne, You are mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, please let me help you!
I did. And I gratefully accepted help from lots of people, most of whom had been there themselves. I also read some great books as I got better (at my worst I spent almost 24 hours asleep!) and will put a list up when I get a chance.
Oh! So many things to do ...
But no pressure, of course! :o)
(Well, if it's alright for Blue Peter ...!)
It was written for new students at Hull University, Scarborough Campus. So wasn't intended for student parents, but I thought maybe some of it would be useful:
Ten Tips for Making the Most of Your Student Experience.
1. The Boring Stuff!
Quote:
Pay attention to the basics – food sleep and exercise are the basic fuels for physical and mental health.
Food: Eat breakfast! All nutritionists recommend starting the day with a healthy breakfast, especially important if you have a lecture first thing. (See The Eat Well Cookbook for inspirational ideas to kick-start your day/metabolism) Try to eat regular, balanced meals. Arm yourself with healthy snacks for a study session, and make sure you eat before you drink (alcohol).
Sleep: Make sure you get enough good quality sleep – nobody (no body) functions well on a lack of sleep, or feels good after a night of broken sleep. Treat yourself to a couple of early nights or lie-ins, as often as you can.
Exercise: Walk whenever, wherever you can! The perfect exercise, for any fitness level, it costs nothing (in fact, walking to university or town will save you money in bus fares) and has huge health benefits. Find a friend to share a long walk, once or twice a week or try power-walking during study breaks.
2. Take Care!
Quote:
Look after the important things in life – this includes keeping yourself, your belongings, and your personal details safe.
Things: Make sure your belongings are marked, and insured if necessary, and take sensible precautions to keep them safe from theft, loss or damage.
Information: Be wary of sharing personal details – protect yourself against identity theft. Consider how you dispose of financial paperwork. Opting out of junk mail is an easy step to take in protecting your details.
You: Get yourself insured if you think you need to (if you indulge in risky sports, for example) particularly if you have dependents. Always be aware of your personal safety - stick with friends when out late, never leave drinks unattended.
3. Be Safe!
Quote:
Practise safe sex. Always.
Enough said.
Except that, none of us is perfect, so take further precautions against pregnancy if you’re female. And, whichever gender you are, if you are in any doubt as to your sexual health, get yourself tested!
4. Work to Live!
Quote:
Being able to achieve and maintain a healthy work/life balance, is an essential life-skill well worth developing.
Income/Expenditure: Consider the income/expenditure payoff – could you save a little more and work a little less, could you be paid more for what you do, or do a different job? Remember, your time is an important resource – make sure you are getting the best value for it.
Budget: Plan a budget based on reliable income and your expenditure (bear in mind, when calculating this, that most people underestimate their spending) and stick to it as far as possible. Use any extra income for treats or to pay debts, or add to your savings, depending on your financial situation.
Credit/Debt/Savings: Avoid credit if at all possible – it’s an easy way to serious, expensive debt and a great deal of stress. Get help as soon as possible with debts you can’t handle. Try and save something – no matter how small the amount – on a regular basis, to avoid the need for credit, or the trouble of debt.
5. A Day in the Life of a Student!
Quote:
Studying will make up a large portion of your experience as a student!
Make it Effective: Avoid studying when tired, hungry, or stressed about another area of your life. Deal with distractions before a study session and keep sessions short and focussed.
Make it Interesting/Useful: Focus your research on the areas of greatest interest to yourself, and combine areas of research whenever possible.
Make it Fun: Find a ‘study buddy’ or start a study group. Read a book sitting outside in the sunshine. Camp out in your bed with a fresh fruit smoothie and edible treats, your favourite music and an aromatherapy candle.
6. Whatever Floats Your Boat!
Quote:
There are many opportunities to explore further interests, or aspects of student life – religious or spiritual beliefs, or political bents, or more general interests.
CV: Any groups or clubs you join will provide excellent evidence of people skills for your CV. If you set up, or are involved in the running of a club, you will also have evidence of organisational and management skills.
Social Circle: Share your interests with other like-minded people. Or try something new and widen your social circle to meet different kinds of people.
Volunteering: It’s true, volunteering is another useful CV exercise, but it is in fact so much more than that. Volunteering will provide you with a sense of fulfilment, of being useful, and of understanding the world (and yourself) a little better.
7. Go Far!
Quote:
Whether you are from Scarborough, or from the other side of the world, you will probably travel far and wide during your time as a student.
Academic: Depending on your degree subject, you might have to travel as part of your studies – field trips for example, or trips to other libraries or archives for research (make good use of the university’s inter-library loan system).
Home: If you’re not a local student, you will probably want to travel home at regular intervals (depending on how far you need to go). You will usually know when and where you will be travelling well in advance, take advantage of this to save money.
Away Days, High Days and Holidays: Avoid travelling on the very busiest days of the year – academic holidays allow you to travel earlier or later than most people at Christmas, for example. Take full advantage of being a student in obtaining discounts.
8. Have Fun!
Quote:
All of the above can be fun (should be fun!) but sometimes it’s good to have fun just for the sake of having fun.
Activities: Indulge in your favourite sports and take advantage of Scarborough’s location to try new things. The coast provides opportunities for all sorts of water-based activities (surfing, diving, sailing) and the surrounding countryside is perfect for activities including horse riding, pot-holing and camping.
Relaxation: Take your relaxation seriously! Recharging your physical, intellectual and emotional batteries on a regular basis is essential to ensuring you keep firing on all cylinders, so can make the best of your time at university.
Partying: Partying is part and parcel of the student experience … enjoy! Keep yourself safe, stay in groups and look out for each other when out and about. Keep an eye on your alcohol consumption and don’t let it impinge on the rest of your life.
9. Explore!
Quote:
We are blessed with stunning coastline on one side and gorgeous countryside on the other, both of which are drenched in history. Make the most of your time here as a student, whether you are a first-time visitor or have lived here all your life.
Tourist Attractions: Although only a small seaside town, Scarborough has some must-visit places (the castle, the sea life centre, museums …) which attract people from all over the country. Make sure you visit them while they are on your doorstep.
Day Trips: Travel just a little further afield and you will discover plenty of interesting places. Whitby, York and Robin Hood’s Bay are all great for a day away – easily accessible by bus or train, and full of things to see or do.
Local Resources: If you cook for yourself, take advantage of local produce – fruit, veg, fish. Visit the Tourist Information Office or the Local Library for further information.
10. Ask for Directions!
Quote:
We all need a little guidance, advice or support sometimes. Whatever help you need, the university has systems to provide it, or can advise you where to find it elsewhere.
Professional: Financial or legal advice, medical contacts, support with finding accommodation or dealing with disability, all are available at university.
Academic / Career Guidance: Lecturers will often be your first contact when you have a difficulty with studying, but take advantages of the services offered by others too. Make an appointment with the Study Skills Advice team for general help, or for help with dyslexia for example. The library staff are always pleased to help with enquiries and the staff in the IT Suite will help with technical queries. Call in to Career Guidance now and then, to keep yourself updated.
Emotional / Mental Health: There is a fantastic counselling service within university, a 24hour helpline, or a number of avenues outside university, if you’d prefer to keep the two separate. You are not alone and don’t have to deal with things by yourself. Everything you say will be confidential , and will have been heard before!
Well, I hope some of it is helpful, for someone!
Mental/emotional health (wellbeing) is something that really interests me, so I'll probably write some more about that at some point. Suffice to say for now, I have personal experience of difficulty in this area, having had a total physical and emotional breakdown at the end of my second year at university.
Nothing to do with university, in fact that's what kept me going for so long! But everywhere else I turned, I faced a problem, there were issues with my daughters, finances, an injury to my back, and a man I was dating. I lacked sleep and nourishment and ran myself into the ground, finally ending up on my knees, at just over seven stone in weight (feel healthiest at over nine), incapable of writing a shopping list, let alone an essay.
With a lot of help and support from a lot of people, I returned to university in September to take my second year exams, and then continued with the course, finally gaining a First Class Honours degree.
The blip in the middle was both the best and worst of times ... I learnt such a lot about myself. It was an opportunity to rebuild myself from a place that was nothing and nowhere, a personal abyss. (I'll try and find a poem I wrote about that at the time.) For years, I had blinkered myself, hadn't allowed myself to change, and as I went through the healing process, I realised things like: Hey! I actually like pink and fluffy! (Whereas I would have said before that I wasn't at all girlie.)
Perhaps the biggest thing I learnt was that being such a perfectionist is very unhealthy. I am much more gentle with myself now ... I still have high standards and expectations, but am happy to accept that my best is good enough, and that perfection is rare for a reason!
I also learnt a lot about stress management, how to recognise the signs of stress, and how to deal with stress before it has a detrimental effect. I don't believe we can avoid stress in today's society, but we can handle it in more positive ways.
Mental illness is still so taboo, which is crazy, considering one in three of us are suffering one form or another at any given time! So, I have always been open about my own experiences, in the hope that others will feel less alone, and less judgmental of themselves: I refused to accept I was ill, until my lovely doctor rephrased it: Dianne, You are mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted, please let me help you!
I did. And I gratefully accepted help from lots of people, most of whom had been there themselves. I also read some great books as I got better (at my worst I spent almost 24 hours asleep!) and will put a list up when I get a chance.
Oh! So many things to do ...
But no pressure, of course! :o)
Being a Student Parent
As a student parent, you are likely to own a number of hats!
1. Me! Me! Me!
Being your own personal life coach (and biggest fan!)
This is your most important hat – take it everywhere, wear it to bed, wake up with it, don’t hang it up for a minute and certainly don’t lose it!
You may well have other people who need you, but they need you at your best, so make sure that taking care of yourself is your number one priority, develop a regular habit of “me time.” Set aside some time, on a weekly or even daily basis and use it to pamper yourself or to indulge in a favourite activity
Whether you disappear for an afternoon of golf, or into the bathroom for a blissful uninterrupted hour of aromatherapy experience, know that when you return to the world, you will feel healthier and happier – see it as a gift, not just to yourself but also to others.
When it comes to “me time” remember that it is a self-full activity, not a selfish one – make sure you are assertive, determined, even downright stubborn in protecting your right to some personal space. It is not only your earned right, in fact, but your responsibility, so protect it fiercely!
2. Nurture Your Better Half!
Being a partner
Remember that your studying (the highs and the lows) will have a great impact on your partner too. You will have less time and energy, and probably more stress, all of which will affect your partner almost as much as it will affect you.
Keep the lines of communication open, to make dealing with any challenges easier. He or she will often be the voice of wisdom, helping you to put things into perspective, ensuring you remain balanced and grounded. Partners are also useful for practising presentations!
Ensure you spend some quality time together on a regular basis. Be innovative, try new things, explore new places together. Go out on a date (even if it's just for coffee) or spend a romantic evening in together at least once a week.
Be appreciative. If your partner is supportive, make sure they know what a huge difference it makes to your life, and make sure you return the favour.
3. Who’d Have ‘Em?!
Being a parent
As a parent, you will already be used to multi-tasking, as a chef, nurse, chauffeur, chambermaid, counsellor, referee, bank manager, answer machine and doorman, all rolled into one! Enlist help wherever possible, make sure you don’t try to do everything yourself.
Enlist the support of your children with cooking, housework and gardening. Encourage children to be independent – even a four year old can make a sandwich, and older children can read younger siblings a story, for example, when you need a quiet half hour.
Share studying sessions (and tips!) with your children. It will give them the sense of being involved in something important to you, and an idea of your needs and feelings. Plus, you’ll be surprised how much you will learn from them.
Make quality time and time out equally important. Learn the art of tuning out!
4. Home Sweet Home!
Being a housekeeper/homemaker
A cluttered environment is highly conducive to cluttered thinking!
Keeping an entire house immaculately clean and tidy at all times is perhaps impossible, but set aside an area for studying – make it a pleasant and private place where you can retreat from the chaos, and where you can keep all your resources together, and out of the way of sticky fingers.
Keep on top of things as much as possible, so small things don’t morph into monsters. Clearing up as you go along prevents the need for marathon housework sessions, putting things away in a proper place saves the time and frustration spent searching for lost items.
Keep a rota – insist that anyone else who lives in the house (or visits regularly!) does their fair share. Even a toddler can pick up their own toys, and a stroppy teenager will have to do their own laundry eventually, if you can bear to ignore it for long enough.
5. Taming the Jungle!
Being a gardener
People tend to belong to one of two groups when it comes to gardening – those who love it, and those who hate it!
For those who love gardening, a garden is an invaluable asset, providing time out and a definite feelgood factor. As a gardener, it’s easy to treat yourself – a packet of seeds costs hardly anything, and provides months of pleasure. Time spent pottering in the garden provides an oasis of calm and excellent exercise.
For those who hate gardening, a garden is nothing more than a burden. Make it as low maintenance as possible, and enlist support from anyone you know who loves gardening. Have garden(ing) parties – you provide food and drink to family and friends, they provide brute strength or insight.
NB Do not dig vegetable patches with a bad back!
6. Earning a Living!
Being a breadwinner/career person
Time is one of our most important resources, but we rarely recognise its true value.
Make sure you work to live, rather than live to work – not always easy, but at least try and find the best compromise possible.
Assess your income/expenditure situation, and decide whether you could save a little more and work a little less, or whether you could change jobs and increase the value of your time.
Use work as a busmen’s holiday from study or domestic responsibilities. You may need time off at certain points in the year (major assessments or exams) so plan ahead and keep employers and colleagues informed.
7. It’s a Student’s Life!
Being a student
Returning to academic life, after possibly many years’ absence can prove difficult, even somewhat overwhelming at times.
Make full use of the support systems at your place of study. Life sometimes gets in the way of studying, so they will provide help and advice in a number of areas – financial, emotional, academic, etc. Ensure lecturers are aware, as soon as possible, of any serious difficulties you encounter in your studying. Make full use of resources including the library, and Study Skills Advice.
Talk to other student parents, who will probably be facing the same challenges. Start a study group or at least arrange to meet once a week for a coffee, a moan and a good laugh at it all.
You can’t control life, but you can control your studying. Avoid last minute major crises by carefully planning your studying, allowing extra time for those unavoidable distractions which are sure to crop up!
8. To Borrow or Not to Borrow!
Being a financial manager
Studying as a parent is challenging enough, without the added difficulty of financial pressure. Avoid problems by taking control of your finances.
Make sure you are receiving all entitlements you are due. Be aware of all the consequences of any loans you accept – wherever possible, choose a grant in preference to a loan.
Budget carefully, seeking advice if necessary to draw up a written financial plan.
Keep money you get for studying separate from other money, family finances for example. Save when you can – buy second hand books, sell yours when you have finished with them, use the library or share resources with a fellow student. Use your student discount as often as possible.
9. Friendly Faces!
Being a friend
Enlist help whenever possible from friends – they are a valuable support resource! If you’re a good friend yourself, you will hopefully be surrounded by wonderfully supportive people.
Ask them for advice or for practical help – they will more than likely be glad to feel needed! Perhaps you could offer to spend a whole hour/afternoon/day/weekend doing whatever would be most helpful to them.
It’s easy to get caught up in the rest of life, particularly when under pressure from looming deadlines, and unfortunately neglect our friendships. Explain when you need to disappear for a while and set aside regular time to spend with them.
Show them your appreciation of their support, encouragement and understanding. A hand-made card or small gift, a home-cooked meal, a poem written especially for them, or an essay dedicated to them, a beautiful found item (shell, pebble, leaf, etc.) or a simple, heartfelt hug, are all lovely ways to say ‘thank you.’
10. Love and Laughter!
Being a family member
Much may be expected, or even demanded, of us as family members, but with a little compromise, families can be one of our most positive assets.
Be assertive and learn to say ‘no’ to any inappropriate or unfair demands, but be fair and make sure you pull your weight too.
Be appreciative. It’s easy to take family for granted, but easier still to let them know how much they mean to you and what a difference their support makes to your life. Tell them. Treat them. (See Tip 9)
Don’t isolate yourself. Ensure you spend quality time together on a regular basis, no matter how hectic life is. If you’re away from family while studying, keep in touch in a variety of ways – be innovative, have fun!
1. Me! Me! Me!
Being your own personal life coach (and biggest fan!)
This is your most important hat – take it everywhere, wear it to bed, wake up with it, don’t hang it up for a minute and certainly don’t lose it!
You may well have other people who need you, but they need you at your best, so make sure that taking care of yourself is your number one priority, develop a regular habit of “me time.” Set aside some time, on a weekly or even daily basis and use it to pamper yourself or to indulge in a favourite activity
Whether you disappear for an afternoon of golf, or into the bathroom for a blissful uninterrupted hour of aromatherapy experience, know that when you return to the world, you will feel healthier and happier – see it as a gift, not just to yourself but also to others.
When it comes to “me time” remember that it is a self-full activity, not a selfish one – make sure you are assertive, determined, even downright stubborn in protecting your right to some personal space. It is not only your earned right, in fact, but your responsibility, so protect it fiercely!
2. Nurture Your Better Half!
Being a partner
Remember that your studying (the highs and the lows) will have a great impact on your partner too. You will have less time and energy, and probably more stress, all of which will affect your partner almost as much as it will affect you.
Keep the lines of communication open, to make dealing with any challenges easier. He or she will often be the voice of wisdom, helping you to put things into perspective, ensuring you remain balanced and grounded. Partners are also useful for practising presentations!
Ensure you spend some quality time together on a regular basis. Be innovative, try new things, explore new places together. Go out on a date (even if it's just for coffee) or spend a romantic evening in together at least once a week.
Be appreciative. If your partner is supportive, make sure they know what a huge difference it makes to your life, and make sure you return the favour.
3. Who’d Have ‘Em?!
Being a parent
As a parent, you will already be used to multi-tasking, as a chef, nurse, chauffeur, chambermaid, counsellor, referee, bank manager, answer machine and doorman, all rolled into one! Enlist help wherever possible, make sure you don’t try to do everything yourself.
Enlist the support of your children with cooking, housework and gardening. Encourage children to be independent – even a four year old can make a sandwich, and older children can read younger siblings a story, for example, when you need a quiet half hour.
Share studying sessions (and tips!) with your children. It will give them the sense of being involved in something important to you, and an idea of your needs and feelings. Plus, you’ll be surprised how much you will learn from them.
Make quality time and time out equally important. Learn the art of tuning out!
4. Home Sweet Home!
Being a housekeeper/homemaker
A cluttered environment is highly conducive to cluttered thinking!
Keeping an entire house immaculately clean and tidy at all times is perhaps impossible, but set aside an area for studying – make it a pleasant and private place where you can retreat from the chaos, and where you can keep all your resources together, and out of the way of sticky fingers.
Keep on top of things as much as possible, so small things don’t morph into monsters. Clearing up as you go along prevents the need for marathon housework sessions, putting things away in a proper place saves the time and frustration spent searching for lost items.
Keep a rota – insist that anyone else who lives in the house (or visits regularly!) does their fair share. Even a toddler can pick up their own toys, and a stroppy teenager will have to do their own laundry eventually, if you can bear to ignore it for long enough.
5. Taming the Jungle!
Being a gardener
People tend to belong to one of two groups when it comes to gardening – those who love it, and those who hate it!
For those who love gardening, a garden is an invaluable asset, providing time out and a definite feelgood factor. As a gardener, it’s easy to treat yourself – a packet of seeds costs hardly anything, and provides months of pleasure. Time spent pottering in the garden provides an oasis of calm and excellent exercise.
For those who hate gardening, a garden is nothing more than a burden. Make it as low maintenance as possible, and enlist support from anyone you know who loves gardening. Have garden(ing) parties – you provide food and drink to family and friends, they provide brute strength or insight.
NB Do not dig vegetable patches with a bad back!
6. Earning a Living!
Being a breadwinner/career person
Time is one of our most important resources, but we rarely recognise its true value.
Make sure you work to live, rather than live to work – not always easy, but at least try and find the best compromise possible.
Assess your income/expenditure situation, and decide whether you could save a little more and work a little less, or whether you could change jobs and increase the value of your time.
Use work as a busmen’s holiday from study or domestic responsibilities. You may need time off at certain points in the year (major assessments or exams) so plan ahead and keep employers and colleagues informed.
7. It’s a Student’s Life!
Being a student
Returning to academic life, after possibly many years’ absence can prove difficult, even somewhat overwhelming at times.
Make full use of the support systems at your place of study. Life sometimes gets in the way of studying, so they will provide help and advice in a number of areas – financial, emotional, academic, etc. Ensure lecturers are aware, as soon as possible, of any serious difficulties you encounter in your studying. Make full use of resources including the library, and Study Skills Advice.
Talk to other student parents, who will probably be facing the same challenges. Start a study group or at least arrange to meet once a week for a coffee, a moan and a good laugh at it all.
You can’t control life, but you can control your studying. Avoid last minute major crises by carefully planning your studying, allowing extra time for those unavoidable distractions which are sure to crop up!
8. To Borrow or Not to Borrow!
Being a financial manager
Studying as a parent is challenging enough, without the added difficulty of financial pressure. Avoid problems by taking control of your finances.
Make sure you are receiving all entitlements you are due. Be aware of all the consequences of any loans you accept – wherever possible, choose a grant in preference to a loan.
Budget carefully, seeking advice if necessary to draw up a written financial plan.
Keep money you get for studying separate from other money, family finances for example. Save when you can – buy second hand books, sell yours when you have finished with them, use the library or share resources with a fellow student. Use your student discount as often as possible.
9. Friendly Faces!
Being a friend
Enlist help whenever possible from friends – they are a valuable support resource! If you’re a good friend yourself, you will hopefully be surrounded by wonderfully supportive people.
Ask them for advice or for practical help – they will more than likely be glad to feel needed! Perhaps you could offer to spend a whole hour/afternoon/day/weekend doing whatever would be most helpful to them.
It’s easy to get caught up in the rest of life, particularly when under pressure from looming deadlines, and unfortunately neglect our friendships. Explain when you need to disappear for a while and set aside regular time to spend with them.
Show them your appreciation of their support, encouragement and understanding. A hand-made card or small gift, a home-cooked meal, a poem written especially for them, or an essay dedicated to them, a beautiful found item (shell, pebble, leaf, etc.) or a simple, heartfelt hug, are all lovely ways to say ‘thank you.’
10. Love and Laughter!
Being a family member
Much may be expected, or even demanded, of us as family members, but with a little compromise, families can be one of our most positive assets.
Be assertive and learn to say ‘no’ to any inappropriate or unfair demands, but be fair and make sure you pull your weight too.
Be appreciative. It’s easy to take family for granted, but easier still to let them know how much they mean to you and what a difference their support makes to your life. Tell them. Treat them. (See Tip 9)
Don’t isolate yourself. Ensure you spend quality time together on a regular basis, no matter how hectic life is. If you’re away from family while studying, keep in touch in a variety of ways – be innovative, have fun!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Links and Lists
Well, have been working very hard on adding links and some more, hopefully useful, information ... now they're longer than my blog!
The books by the Buzan brothers (Mind Maps etc.) are must-reads for everyone, I think, and particularly useful for both students and parents. More about the superb Mind Map system another time ...
Meanwhile, this is something I wrote a while ago, for something else:
(Cheating? Yes a little, maybe. Though I prefer to think of it as an example of the Art of Project Merging, a useful skill to have as a student parent!)
Ten Tips for Studying
1. Be Your Best Friend!
Quote:
Advise yourself, as you would a friend, to look after yourself: to eat well, sleep well and get plenty of exercise. Food, sleep and exercise are all fuels for studying!
Food : Food is a fuel for body (vitamins and minerals), brain (protein, omegas) and soul (carbs). See Jane Clarke’s Bodyfoods for great recipes: simple, cheap, quick, tasty and prescriptive. Food can also supply an emotional well-being factor, on a number of levels – happy memories, triggered by childhood faves; wonderful, feel-good colour (try Nigella Lawson’s Forever Summer for gorgeous ideas); and the pleasure of cooking with friends (a lá Jamie Oliver).
Sleep: Sleep deprivation leads to lack of co-ordination, slows reactions, and muddles thinking. Good quality is essential, rather than quantity, when it comes to sleep. Too much can in fact be as detrimental as too little. (How much is too much? Don’t set your alarm and see when you wake naturally – resist the temptation to go back to sleep) A bedtime routine or ritual will help.
Exercise: Exercise supports studying in a number of ways – physical well-being is essential to/for emotional and intellectual well-being. Endorphins are released – and pent-up frustrations! Exercise provides a positive break from studying (see Tip 9). Plus, things like walking, running and swimming can be meditative, providing reached-for answers subconsciously. (Tony Buzan)
2. Balance The Scales!
Quote:
A balance in your life will help you remain balanced in your studying. It is more helpful to think of a balance here between work, study and relaxation (rather than work, rest and play.)
Work: Try and see work as more than earning money – it is also an opportunity to learn / have fun / help people / widen your social circle … Maintain a healthy work/life balance by considering the income/ expenditure pay-off. (Could you save a little more and work a little less?) Budget carefully (see Ten Tips for Managing a Budget) to make the most of your money.
Study: Keep studying separate from eating, sleeping and exercise, and also from work, unless you have hours at work with nothing to do. Spread your study out, achieving a balance across the semester, so you avoid binge studying (very bad for your health!)
Relaxation: This includes leisure activities (maintain your outside interests, whether it be sport, art and culture, any -ography or –ology, etc.), socialising (clubbing, partying, dating), and rest (meditation, daydreaming, doing nothing at all except sitting in the sunshine, or taking a siesta – the authors of The Power of Focus suggest 25 minutes, or you could try Oprah Winfrey’s 12 minute power naps.)
3. Plan Your Strategy!
Quote:
A definitive, thoughtful, honest plan (in writing!) provides direction, focus and motivation. ‘I’ll start it tomorrow,’ ‘I’ve got plenty of time,’ or even the more decisive ‘I’ll allow myself a week’ are not plans!
Style: Research shows (Buzan) that short, regular sessions provide optimum learning (recall). Perhaps there is something to be said for working better under pressure … or perhaps that’s just what we need to tell ourselves at 3am the night before an unfinished assignment is due! Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Be honest about the way you produce your best work, and develop a study strategy that suits you.
Plan: Chaos is not a plan! Be organised, plan everything (considering Tips 1 and 2). Remember, time cannot be managed – there are only 24 hours in any one day – but you can manage yourself. Con yourself, setting earlier deadlines (and then ‘forgetting’ that they are not the final deadline!), enlist support in working to ‘mini’ deadlines (arrange regular meetings with other students, tutorials with lecturers, or a coffee with an informed friend), or bribe yourself to reach a target with a special treat.
Say ‘No!’: Don’t take on too much, learn to prioritise – be assertive when it comes to your work and social life, don’t allow them to encroach upon your studying unless absolutely necessary (make sure you have allowed for a good balance of work / study/ relaxation.) Try and stick to submission deadlines – extensions suck! They are like dominos and one extension often leads to another.
4. Take Small Steps!
Quote:
Breaking revision or an assignment into small tasks makes it easier to manage, and less scary! Shorter, regular study sessions are also an excellent idea.
Note Management: Revise lecture notes on a daily basis. It doesn’t take long (10-30 minutes) to condense them onto an index card system, Or try a mind map. Or simply re-read them thoroughly, with a highlighter, noting areas of weakness in your understanding or further areas of necessary research. (Aim to take further action and file notes before your next lecture.)
Revision Sessions: Keep these short – the human brain stops absorbing information after 45 minutes. Tony Buzan recommends 20-50 minutes as the optimum time for studying (recall). Before you begin, have a list of questions or actions to complete within a session. Focus on your short term goals (The Power of Focus) if you have these under control, the long term goals will fall into place.
Assignments: Begin your assignments as soon as you receive enough information to do so, even if it’s just starting some research with further reading, or constructing a list of questions. Mini deadlines are excellent for developing a sense of achievement, for building confidence and for encouraging enthusiasm.
5. Reward Yourself!
Quote:
Rewarding yourself for effort or achievement is easy, it needn’t cost anything, and is a reliable way to make you feel better – about studying and about yourself!
Small Rewards: Whether bribery or encouragement, small rewards reap huge benefits. Try a bar of your favourite chocolate, a magazine you rarely find time to read, Morrison’s summer berry cheesecake, a night out, or a night in – have a bath with candles and aromatherapy oils (very girlie but very effective!) and curl up with an excellent DVD … or have an early night.
Big Rewards: Always celebrate your successes! Each assignment or exam is a big step on the road to the ultimate celebration – your graduation! Try arranging a meal with friends and family, a day trip, a new pair of shoes / CD / pool cue. If financing a big reward is difficult, have a whole day (or weekend) packed with your favourite small rewards.
Use Affirmations: Keep a positive image of yourself – big yourself up! (Try the expansive selection of wonderful, humorous affirmations in The Barefoot Doctor’s Manifesto.) Always give yourself a huge pat on the back for genuine effort as well as achievement.
6. Have a Break – With or Without Chocolate!
Quote:
Give yourself a break – in all senses of the word.
Study Breaks: Have regular breaks (remember the optimum time of study is 45 minutes) – have a cup of tea, some chocolate (KitKats work for me – they make me smile and revel in the fact “I’m having a break!”), have a quick walk around the block or make a phone call. Time your breaks to ensure that’s what they are! Don’t let them become excuses to avoid returning to the books.
Time Off: Half an hour, a morning, afternoon or evening, or if possible, a whole day. Or a weekend. Do it without feeling guilty – have a total break, do nothing that is anything to do with studying. Hole up with a novel, a pile of trashy magazines, attend an art class, go to the theatre, visit a butterfly farm … do something totally different and you will feel refreshed and ready to study again.
Be Gentle with Yourself: Remember, you are only human, we all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses and rotten days. We all misjudge ourselves. Don’t beat yourself up!
7. Take a Busman’s Holiday!
Quote:
Do something else – something productive, which will be useful to you in other ways – but be careful that you don’t simply procrastinate!
House/Garden: Housework and gardening can help in two ways – providing invigorating work (waking up your brain and body), or a chance to get lost in the moment (providing ‘distance’ from a problem, allowing the brain to mull things over subconsciously). If you haven’t got a garden of your own, volunteer to help a friend or perhaps an elderly or disabled neighbour.
Voluntary Work: A sense of fulfilment and a boost to your self-esteem are benefits besides that of simply getting away from it all for a while. There is a huge variety when it comes to volunteering. Everyone can find something they are interested in, and hours can be suited to your existing schedule.
Another Assignment: Working on more than one assignment at any one time can prove very useful, both in the sense that they both provide a break from each other, but also that they might share areas of research or understanding.
8. Switch Sides!
Quote:
Use a different part of your brain. Or use your brain in a different way! (Try Brain Gym exercises before a study session, lecture or exam, to align the left and right sides of your brain.)
Lateral Thinking / Free Association: Exchange words and numbers for pictures – doodling is fun and makes studying more memorable. Mind Maps are an excellent resource.
Use Your Hands: Be creative, use the right side of your brain by cooking, drawing, painting a picture or a wall, taking an engine apart, doing a jigsaw. Be creative in other ways too – write some poetry, try some creative thinking, or any form of design.
Sensual Study: Indulge all five of your senses - use music, aromatherapy, colour, herbal teas, a ‘snuggly’ or some worry beads. Using your senses increases your ability to recall information later. (Buzan)
9. Move!
Quote:
Stop using your brain at all, for a while! Spend some time instead, on supplying it with lots of well-oxygenated blood.
Favourite Sport: The best sports in this situation are those that command your full attention, encourage competitiveness (with others or yourself) and are physically demanding.
Go For a Walk: Or a run, or a swim - make full use of free local resources, including fresh air, stunning scenery and the sea! The benefits of walking are numerous and dramatic.
Dance: Whether clubbing, ballroom, tap … or just dancing around the kitchen! Dancing works on two levels – it’s physically exerting and a foolproof feel-good activity.
10. Seek Support!
Quote:
The greatest strength you can develop is recognising when you need some help!
Family / Friends / Fellow Students: Family and friends can provide practical support or emotional (advice, encouragement, praise, a kick up the bum or a shoulder to cry on!) Keep them informed – they might be wonderful, but they are not mind-readers!
Professional: This includes financial, emotional, medical, legal … whatever kind of support you need, your college or university can provide it.
Academic: Take advantage of all tutorials. Ask lecturers if there is something you don’t understand, or are struggling with. Or approach the library staff for help and advice. Make regular appointments with the people in Study Skills Advice. Find a study buddy!
(I haven't found the right quotes, yet ... any suggestions welcome as always!)
One last thing tonight, as it's getting late and have been neglecting my Write Here! blog (on which i have stated in writing that I intend to add a post every day!), but before i forget, have a look at Mummy Librarian's list of books about pregnancy, babies and toddlers:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/pdp/profile/A16VOX63250BR4/ref=cm_lm_fullview_header_name
The books by the Buzan brothers (Mind Maps etc.) are must-reads for everyone, I think, and particularly useful for both students and parents. More about the superb Mind Map system another time ...
Meanwhile, this is something I wrote a while ago, for something else:
(Cheating? Yes a little, maybe. Though I prefer to think of it as an example of the Art of Project Merging, a useful skill to have as a student parent!)
Ten Tips for Studying
1. Be Your Best Friend!
Quote:
Advise yourself, as you would a friend, to look after yourself: to eat well, sleep well and get plenty of exercise. Food, sleep and exercise are all fuels for studying!
Food : Food is a fuel for body (vitamins and minerals), brain (protein, omegas) and soul (carbs). See Jane Clarke’s Bodyfoods for great recipes: simple, cheap, quick, tasty and prescriptive. Food can also supply an emotional well-being factor, on a number of levels – happy memories, triggered by childhood faves; wonderful, feel-good colour (try Nigella Lawson’s Forever Summer for gorgeous ideas); and the pleasure of cooking with friends (a lá Jamie Oliver).
Sleep: Sleep deprivation leads to lack of co-ordination, slows reactions, and muddles thinking. Good quality is essential, rather than quantity, when it comes to sleep. Too much can in fact be as detrimental as too little. (How much is too much? Don’t set your alarm and see when you wake naturally – resist the temptation to go back to sleep) A bedtime routine or ritual will help.
Exercise: Exercise supports studying in a number of ways – physical well-being is essential to/for emotional and intellectual well-being. Endorphins are released – and pent-up frustrations! Exercise provides a positive break from studying (see Tip 9). Plus, things like walking, running and swimming can be meditative, providing reached-for answers subconsciously. (Tony Buzan)
2. Balance The Scales!
Quote:
A balance in your life will help you remain balanced in your studying. It is more helpful to think of a balance here between work, study and relaxation (rather than work, rest and play.)
Work: Try and see work as more than earning money – it is also an opportunity to learn / have fun / help people / widen your social circle … Maintain a healthy work/life balance by considering the income/ expenditure pay-off. (Could you save a little more and work a little less?) Budget carefully (see Ten Tips for Managing a Budget) to make the most of your money.
Study: Keep studying separate from eating, sleeping and exercise, and also from work, unless you have hours at work with nothing to do. Spread your study out, achieving a balance across the semester, so you avoid binge studying (very bad for your health!)
Relaxation: This includes leisure activities (maintain your outside interests, whether it be sport, art and culture, any -ography or –ology, etc.), socialising (clubbing, partying, dating), and rest (meditation, daydreaming, doing nothing at all except sitting in the sunshine, or taking a siesta – the authors of The Power of Focus suggest 25 minutes, or you could try Oprah Winfrey’s 12 minute power naps.)
3. Plan Your Strategy!
Quote:
A definitive, thoughtful, honest plan (in writing!) provides direction, focus and motivation. ‘I’ll start it tomorrow,’ ‘I’ve got plenty of time,’ or even the more decisive ‘I’ll allow myself a week’ are not plans!
Style: Research shows (Buzan) that short, regular sessions provide optimum learning (recall). Perhaps there is something to be said for working better under pressure … or perhaps that’s just what we need to tell ourselves at 3am the night before an unfinished assignment is due! Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Be honest about the way you produce your best work, and develop a study strategy that suits you.
Plan: Chaos is not a plan! Be organised, plan everything (considering Tips 1 and 2). Remember, time cannot be managed – there are only 24 hours in any one day – but you can manage yourself. Con yourself, setting earlier deadlines (and then ‘forgetting’ that they are not the final deadline!), enlist support in working to ‘mini’ deadlines (arrange regular meetings with other students, tutorials with lecturers, or a coffee with an informed friend), or bribe yourself to reach a target with a special treat.
Say ‘No!’: Don’t take on too much, learn to prioritise – be assertive when it comes to your work and social life, don’t allow them to encroach upon your studying unless absolutely necessary (make sure you have allowed for a good balance of work / study/ relaxation.) Try and stick to submission deadlines – extensions suck! They are like dominos and one extension often leads to another.
4. Take Small Steps!
Quote:
Breaking revision or an assignment into small tasks makes it easier to manage, and less scary! Shorter, regular study sessions are also an excellent idea.
Note Management: Revise lecture notes on a daily basis. It doesn’t take long (10-30 minutes) to condense them onto an index card system, Or try a mind map. Or simply re-read them thoroughly, with a highlighter, noting areas of weakness in your understanding or further areas of necessary research. (Aim to take further action and file notes before your next lecture.)
Revision Sessions: Keep these short – the human brain stops absorbing information after 45 minutes. Tony Buzan recommends 20-50 minutes as the optimum time for studying (recall). Before you begin, have a list of questions or actions to complete within a session. Focus on your short term goals (The Power of Focus) if you have these under control, the long term goals will fall into place.
Assignments: Begin your assignments as soon as you receive enough information to do so, even if it’s just starting some research with further reading, or constructing a list of questions. Mini deadlines are excellent for developing a sense of achievement, for building confidence and for encouraging enthusiasm.
5. Reward Yourself!
Quote:
Rewarding yourself for effort or achievement is easy, it needn’t cost anything, and is a reliable way to make you feel better – about studying and about yourself!
Small Rewards: Whether bribery or encouragement, small rewards reap huge benefits. Try a bar of your favourite chocolate, a magazine you rarely find time to read, Morrison’s summer berry cheesecake, a night out, or a night in – have a bath with candles and aromatherapy oils (very girlie but very effective!) and curl up with an excellent DVD … or have an early night.
Big Rewards: Always celebrate your successes! Each assignment or exam is a big step on the road to the ultimate celebration – your graduation! Try arranging a meal with friends and family, a day trip, a new pair of shoes / CD / pool cue. If financing a big reward is difficult, have a whole day (or weekend) packed with your favourite small rewards.
Use Affirmations: Keep a positive image of yourself – big yourself up! (Try the expansive selection of wonderful, humorous affirmations in The Barefoot Doctor’s Manifesto.) Always give yourself a huge pat on the back for genuine effort as well as achievement.
6. Have a Break – With or Without Chocolate!
Quote:
Give yourself a break – in all senses of the word.
Study Breaks: Have regular breaks (remember the optimum time of study is 45 minutes) – have a cup of tea, some chocolate (KitKats work for me – they make me smile and revel in the fact “I’m having a break!”), have a quick walk around the block or make a phone call. Time your breaks to ensure that’s what they are! Don’t let them become excuses to avoid returning to the books.
Time Off: Half an hour, a morning, afternoon or evening, or if possible, a whole day. Or a weekend. Do it without feeling guilty – have a total break, do nothing that is anything to do with studying. Hole up with a novel, a pile of trashy magazines, attend an art class, go to the theatre, visit a butterfly farm … do something totally different and you will feel refreshed and ready to study again.
Be Gentle with Yourself: Remember, you are only human, we all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses and rotten days. We all misjudge ourselves. Don’t beat yourself up!
7. Take a Busman’s Holiday!
Quote:
Do something else – something productive, which will be useful to you in other ways – but be careful that you don’t simply procrastinate!
House/Garden: Housework and gardening can help in two ways – providing invigorating work (waking up your brain and body), or a chance to get lost in the moment (providing ‘distance’ from a problem, allowing the brain to mull things over subconsciously). If you haven’t got a garden of your own, volunteer to help a friend or perhaps an elderly or disabled neighbour.
Voluntary Work: A sense of fulfilment and a boost to your self-esteem are benefits besides that of simply getting away from it all for a while. There is a huge variety when it comes to volunteering. Everyone can find something they are interested in, and hours can be suited to your existing schedule.
Another Assignment: Working on more than one assignment at any one time can prove very useful, both in the sense that they both provide a break from each other, but also that they might share areas of research or understanding.
8. Switch Sides!
Quote:
Use a different part of your brain. Or use your brain in a different way! (Try Brain Gym exercises before a study session, lecture or exam, to align the left and right sides of your brain.)
Lateral Thinking / Free Association: Exchange words and numbers for pictures – doodling is fun and makes studying more memorable. Mind Maps are an excellent resource.
Use Your Hands: Be creative, use the right side of your brain by cooking, drawing, painting a picture or a wall, taking an engine apart, doing a jigsaw. Be creative in other ways too – write some poetry, try some creative thinking, or any form of design.
Sensual Study: Indulge all five of your senses - use music, aromatherapy, colour, herbal teas, a ‘snuggly’ or some worry beads. Using your senses increases your ability to recall information later. (Buzan)
9. Move!
Quote:
Stop using your brain at all, for a while! Spend some time instead, on supplying it with lots of well-oxygenated blood.
Favourite Sport: The best sports in this situation are those that command your full attention, encourage competitiveness (with others or yourself) and are physically demanding.
Go For a Walk: Or a run, or a swim - make full use of free local resources, including fresh air, stunning scenery and the sea! The benefits of walking are numerous and dramatic.
Dance: Whether clubbing, ballroom, tap … or just dancing around the kitchen! Dancing works on two levels – it’s physically exerting and a foolproof feel-good activity.
10. Seek Support!
Quote:
The greatest strength you can develop is recognising when you need some help!
Family / Friends / Fellow Students: Family and friends can provide practical support or emotional (advice, encouragement, praise, a kick up the bum or a shoulder to cry on!) Keep them informed – they might be wonderful, but they are not mind-readers!
Professional: This includes financial, emotional, medical, legal … whatever kind of support you need, your college or university can provide it.
Academic: Take advantage of all tutorials. Ask lecturers if there is something you don’t understand, or are struggling with. Or approach the library staff for help and advice. Make regular appointments with the people in Study Skills Advice. Find a study buddy!
(I haven't found the right quotes, yet ... any suggestions welcome as always!)
One last thing tonight, as it's getting late and have been neglecting my Write Here! blog (on which i have stated in writing that I intend to add a post every day!), but before i forget, have a look at Mummy Librarian's list of books about pregnancy, babies and toddlers:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/pdp/profile/A16VOX63250BR4/ref=cm_lm_fullview_header_name
Being A Student
Although no longer a student of any official course at the moment, I continue to study in various ways.
It's an ingrained habit now. I have always been someone who questions everything, who searches for, and enjoys the challenge of, understanding. A naturally analytical mind has been encouraged to the point where I can happily analyse a paper bag! I can no longer read a book without a pen in my hand (or a handful of post-it notes if it's a library book) or read a newpaper of magazine without shredding it into individual articles, pictures or even paragraphs. My battered dictionary is an almost constant companion and my handbag bulges with various scrawled notes and lists of book titles.
Studying is very definitely a big part of my life, and I hope it remains so!
I do have direct, recent experience of being a student though, at the same time as being a Mum. An experience I wouldn't change for the world, though had you asked me at the time, you might have got a very different answer. I asked my daughter once, when she had been complaining bitterly about lack of funds for something or other: What do you think you could learn from this? (I was thinking along the lines of: Anything that is worth doing, is worth a struggle.) She thought for a moment, then said: To go to university before I have children!
So, studying continues, in a variety of ways (all of which now cost nothing!): I am helping with some research into the Family in the 21st Century, currently looking at Jungian Archetypes and Personality Typology ... fascinating stuff! I also indulge my ongoing interest in gender relationships on a regular basis. And now, I am studying studying!
I was a student ambassador at university while studying for my bachelors, and now I work there as a student mentor, although have had a far-too-long break, due to a back injury. I adore my job and because I work with students from different departments, I have developed a broad understanding of what it means to be a student.
This has been developed further while home-schooling my youngest daughter last year. I have found the subject of learning styles fascinating. I will definitely post some information about this, as I really believe it's fundamental to the subject of studying, and very useful to parents too.
Well, enough about me ... this blog is not about me, it's from me, I really hope I can be of help to those just setting out on a journey of student parenthood. But I thought it might be a good idea to let you know my credentials. And also let you know that it's possible to survive the experience! The truth is, even during the hard bits, I loved my time at university, which is why I now work there.
And as for studying, I simply can't get enough of it! Working hard now to pay off the fees for the final year of my Masters, then am hoping to do a PhD ...
Well, maybe when I retire!
If you have any questions, please ask and I will do my best to find you the answer, or someone else who can help! Comments and suggestions are very welcome. :o)
It's an ingrained habit now. I have always been someone who questions everything, who searches for, and enjoys the challenge of, understanding. A naturally analytical mind has been encouraged to the point where I can happily analyse a paper bag! I can no longer read a book without a pen in my hand (or a handful of post-it notes if it's a library book) or read a newpaper of magazine without shredding it into individual articles, pictures or even paragraphs. My battered dictionary is an almost constant companion and my handbag bulges with various scrawled notes and lists of book titles.
Studying is very definitely a big part of my life, and I hope it remains so!
I do have direct, recent experience of being a student though, at the same time as being a Mum. An experience I wouldn't change for the world, though had you asked me at the time, you might have got a very different answer. I asked my daughter once, when she had been complaining bitterly about lack of funds for something or other: What do you think you could learn from this? (I was thinking along the lines of: Anything that is worth doing, is worth a struggle.) She thought for a moment, then said: To go to university before I have children!
So, studying continues, in a variety of ways (all of which now cost nothing!): I am helping with some research into the Family in the 21st Century, currently looking at Jungian Archetypes and Personality Typology ... fascinating stuff! I also indulge my ongoing interest in gender relationships on a regular basis. And now, I am studying studying!
I was a student ambassador at university while studying for my bachelors, and now I work there as a student mentor, although have had a far-too-long break, due to a back injury. I adore my job and because I work with students from different departments, I have developed a broad understanding of what it means to be a student.
This has been developed further while home-schooling my youngest daughter last year. I have found the subject of learning styles fascinating. I will definitely post some information about this, as I really believe it's fundamental to the subject of studying, and very useful to parents too.
Well, enough about me ... this blog is not about me, it's from me, I really hope I can be of help to those just setting out on a journey of student parenthood. But I thought it might be a good idea to let you know my credentials. And also let you know that it's possible to survive the experience! The truth is, even during the hard bits, I loved my time at university, which is why I now work there.
And as for studying, I simply can't get enough of it! Working hard now to pay off the fees for the final year of my Masters, then am hoping to do a PhD ...
Well, maybe when I retire!
If you have any questions, please ask and I will do my best to find you the answer, or someone else who can help! Comments and suggestions are very welcome. :o)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Peace Signs
Just a quick note to say, check out the fab blog by Melanie (aka Mommy Doodles), the first one I have put in my useful links!
Have a look at the Million Peace Signs link on Mommy Doodles too!
(Ok, so this is nothing to do with student parents, but a lovely site to have a look at!)
Will try and add to the useful links on here later, am having difficulty writing meaningful sentences amid the chaos that is an early evening in this house ...! :o)
Have a look at the Million Peace Signs link on Mommy Doodles too!
(Ok, so this is nothing to do with student parents, but a lovely site to have a look at!)
Will try and add to the useful links on here later, am having difficulty writing meaningful sentences amid the chaos that is an early evening in this house ...! :o)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Calling All Student-Parents!
What information or services would you find useful on a website for student parents?
Any ideas will be very welcome. It's not easy being a parent (though it is terrific fun most of the time!) and studying at the same time is a huge challenge in lots of ways. Student parents have special needs, which are perhaps difficult to understand by parents who are not students, or by students who are not parents!
Hence this blog (from someone who has raised two daughters alone, while studying for a Bachelors, followed by a Masters ... and working in order to pay for it!) and proposed website. I am hoping to provide a place where you can find relevant and useful information quickly, and where you can build a support network and share experiences.
Any ideas will be very welcome. It's not easy being a parent (though it is terrific fun most of the time!) and studying at the same time is a huge challenge in lots of ways. Student parents have special needs, which are perhaps difficult to understand by parents who are not students, or by students who are not parents!
Hence this blog (from someone who has raised two daughters alone, while studying for a Bachelors, followed by a Masters ... and working in order to pay for it!) and proposed website. I am hoping to provide a place where you can find relevant and useful information quickly, and where you can build a support network and share experiences.
Am I Crazy?!
New blog! Thought I should at least put a post on it, to say hello, but am seriously multi-tasking already here, mid Write Here! post, and answering lovely comments, while cooking tea, making a hot drink for a friend who has just turned up on on a very cold and blustery evening, and chasing youngest daughter up as she is supposed to have finished in the bath already, and giving her tearful friend a cuddle while she waits ... who'd be a teenage girl?!
But here it is, a blog about being a student at the same time as being a parent!
My intention is to set up a website, already mostly designed on paper (working on technological development ... of me, not the website!) with lots of helpful stuff, but that's another task for another day. It's a good job they keep coming along like they do!
Multi-tasking is it! :o)
But here it is, a blog about being a student at the same time as being a parent!
My intention is to set up a website, already mostly designed on paper (working on technological development ... of me, not the website!) with lots of helpful stuff, but that's another task for another day. It's a good job they keep coming along like they do!
Multi-tasking is it! :o)
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