Being a Student Parent

As a student parent, you are likely to own a number of hats!

1. Me! Me! Me!

Being your own personal life coach (and biggest fan!)

This is your most important hat – take it everywhere, wear it to bed, wake up with it, don’t hang it up for a minute and certainly don’t lose it!

You may well have other people who need you, but they need you at your best, so make sure that taking care of yourself is your number one priority, develop a regular habit of “me time.” Set aside some time, on a weekly or even daily basis and use it to pamper yourself or to indulge in a favourite activity

Whether you disappear for an afternoon of golf, or into the bathroom for a blissful uninterrupted hour of aromatherapy experience, know that when you return to the world, you will feel healthier and happier – see it as a gift, not just to yourself but also to others.

When it comes to “me time” remember that it is a self-full activity, not a selfish one – make sure you are assertive, determined, even downright stubborn in protecting your right to some personal space. It is not only your earned right, in fact, but your responsibility, so protect it fiercely!


2. Nurture Your Better Half!

Being a partner

Remember that your studying (the highs and the lows) will have a great impact on your partner too. You will have less time and energy, and probably more stress, all of which will affect your partner almost as much as it will affect you.

Keep the lines of communication open, to make dealing with any challenges easier. He or she will often be the voice of wisdom, helping you to put things into perspective, ensuring you remain balanced and grounded. Partners are also useful for practising presentations!

Ensure you spend some quality time together on a regular basis. Be innovative, try new things, explore new places together. Go out on a date (even if it's just for coffee) or spend a romantic evening in together at least once a week.

Be appreciative. If your partner is supportive, make sure they know what a huge difference it makes to your life, and make sure you return the favour.


3. Who’d Have ‘Em?!

Being a parent

As a parent, you will already be used to multi-tasking, as a chef, nurse, chauffeur, chambermaid, counsellor, referee, bank manager, answer machine and doorman, all rolled into one! Enlist help wherever possible, make sure you don’t try to do everything yourself.

Enlist the support of your children with cooking, housework and gardening. Encourage children to be independent – even a four year old can make a sandwich, and older children can read younger siblings a story, for example, when you need a quiet half hour.

Share studying sessions (and tips!) with your children. It will give them the sense of being involved in something important to you, and an idea of your needs and feelings. Plus, you’ll be surprised how much you will learn from them.

Make quality time and time out equally important. Learn the art of tuning out!


4. Home Sweet Home!

Being a housekeeper/homemaker

A cluttered environment is highly conducive to cluttered thinking!

Keeping an entire house immaculately clean and tidy at all times is perhaps impossible, but set aside an area for studying – make it a pleasant and private place where you can retreat from the chaos, and where you can keep all your resources together, and out of the way of sticky fingers.

Keep on top of things as much as possible, so small things don’t morph into monsters. Clearing up as you go along prevents the need for marathon housework sessions, putting things away in a proper place saves the time and frustration spent searching for lost items.

Keep a rota – insist that anyone else who lives in the house (or visits regularly!) does their fair share. Even a toddler can pick up their own toys, and a stroppy teenager will have to do their own laundry eventually, if you can bear to ignore it for long enough.


5. Taming the Jungle!

Being a gardener

People tend to belong to one of two groups when it comes to gardening – those who love it, and those who hate it!

For those who love gardening, a garden is an invaluable asset, providing time out and a definite feelgood factor. As a gardener, it’s easy to treat yourself – a packet of seeds costs hardly anything, and provides months of pleasure. Time spent pottering in the garden provides an oasis of calm and excellent exercise.

For those who hate gardening, a garden is nothing more than a burden. Make it as low maintenance as possible, and enlist support from anyone you know who loves gardening. Have garden(ing) parties – you provide food and drink to family and friends, they provide brute strength or insight.

NB Do not dig vegetable patches with a bad back!


6. Earning a Living!

Being a breadwinner/career person

Time is one of our most important resources, but we rarely recognise its true value.

Make sure you work to live, rather than live to work – not always easy, but at least try and find the best compromise possible.

Assess your income/expenditure situation, and decide whether you could save a little more and work a little less, or whether you could change jobs and increase the value of your time.

Use work as a busmen’s holiday from study or domestic responsibilities. You may need time off at certain points in the year (major assessments or exams) so plan ahead and keep employers and colleagues informed.


7. It’s a Student’s Life!

Being a student

Returning to academic life, after possibly many years’ absence can prove difficult, even somewhat overwhelming at times.

Make full use of the support systems at your place of study. Life sometimes gets in the way of studying, so they will provide help and advice in a number of areas – financial, emotional, academic, etc. Ensure lecturers are aware, as soon as possible, of any serious difficulties you encounter in your studying. Make full use of resources including the library, and Study Skills Advice.

Talk to other student parents, who will probably be facing the same challenges. Start a study group or at least arrange to meet once a week for a coffee, a moan and a good laugh at it all.

You can’t control life, but you can control your studying. Avoid last minute major crises by carefully planning your studying, allowing extra time for those unavoidable distractions which are sure to crop up!


8. To Borrow or Not to Borrow!

Being a financial manager

Studying as a parent is challenging enough, without the added difficulty of financial pressure. Avoid problems by taking control of your finances.

Make sure you are receiving all entitlements you are due. Be aware of all the consequences of any loans you accept – wherever possible, choose a grant in preference to a loan.

Budget carefully, seeking advice if necessary to draw up a written financial plan.

Keep money you get for studying separate from other money, family finances for example. Save when you can – buy second hand books, sell yours when you have finished with them, use the library or share resources with a fellow student. Use your student discount as often as possible.


9. Friendly Faces!

Being a friend

Enlist help whenever possible from friends – they are a valuable support resource! If you’re a good friend yourself, you will hopefully be surrounded by wonderfully supportive people.

Ask them for advice or for practical help – they will more than likely be glad to feel needed! Perhaps you could offer to spend a whole hour/afternoon/day/weekend doing whatever would be most helpful to them.

It’s easy to get caught up in the rest of life, particularly when under pressure from looming deadlines, and unfortunately neglect our friendships. Explain when you need to disappear for a while and set aside regular time to spend with them.

Show them your appreciation of their support, encouragement and understanding. A hand-made card or small gift, a home-cooked meal, a poem written especially for them, or an essay dedicated to them, a beautiful found item (shell, pebble, leaf, etc.) or a simple, heartfelt hug, are all lovely ways to say ‘thank you.’


10. Love and Laughter!

Being a family member

Much may be expected, or even demanded, of us as family members, but with a little compromise, families can be one of our most positive assets.

Be assertive and learn to say ‘no’ to any inappropriate or unfair demands, but be fair and make sure you pull your weight too.

Be appreciative. It’s easy to take family for granted, but easier still to let them know how much they mean to you and what a difference their support makes to your life. Tell them. Treat them. (See Tip 9)

Don’t isolate yourself. Ensure you spend quality time together on a regular basis, no matter how hectic life is. If you’re away from family while studying, keep in touch in a variety of ways – be innovative, have fun!